According to oft quoted survey results, most Americans number one fear is public speakingnot terrorism, not death, not losing a loved one. Which means being asked to give a speech at a wedding is more daunting than a death sentence. Its true, in a way, but you dont have to be slave to the fearthe clammy palms, the cold sweat, the shaky hands and stuttering voice. Overcoming nerves is all a matter of confidence when giving a wedding speech. Confidence is all a matter of preparation. And this guide is all about preparation.

1. WRITING THE SPEECH

Be Sincere:

The keys to a successful wedding speech are sincerity and personality. Be yourself and write what you know and what you feel. No one expects you to be a poet laureate or a stand-up comedian. Think of your relationship to the bride and groom. Come up with some anecdotes, embarrassing (but clean) memories that reference other wedding guests. Maybe even throw in a relationship joke or two. (For some suggestions, check out the relationship jokes at Flowgo.com)

Brainstorm:

To begin, sit down and write down any warm and fuzzy thoughts you have about the couple. Think about admirable qualities of their relationship or compliments youve heard other people give them. Try to think of reasons why their marriage will be a meaningful and enduring relationship. Dont worry about structure for now, get everything good out on paper and eliminate the not-so-great later.

Compile Notes into a Speech:

After you have the content worked out, start fitting it into a speech. If you are stumped about how to structure your speech, just follow a classic outlinetell them what you are going to go over, go over it tell them what you went over.

1. Lead Off. If you want to start with a joke, then kick off the speech with a nice ice-breaker. Some good speech ice-breakers can be found at here

2. Introduce Yourself: Or, start out by introducing yourself and explaining your relationship to the bride and groom. This is especially important if less than half of the wedding guests know you, otherwise people may be distracted by whispers of Who is that guy? during your speech.

3. Praise everyone. Throw in a comment about how lovely or touching the ceremony was and then give props to anyone that contributed a lot of effort to the whole production. Next, turn the focus back to the bride and groom. Congratulate them on their perfect union and marvel over their admirable qualities.

4. Walk down memory lane. Recall a couple touching episodes in their relationship, if you are close to the bride, talk about her dreams of Mr. Right and how her husband fits the bill, or talk about a cute or embarrassing story from early in their relationship.

5. Move back to the present and the future. Articulate on how promising their marriage will be. Talk about how confident you are that theyll work through any problems theyll have because they are so deeply in love and right for each other.

6. Wrap it up. Throw in some quotes or jokes, reiterate the warm and fuzzies and then raise your glass and ask the guests to join you in a toast. Use a stock phrase for the toast, a simple Cheers! will do or an ethnic toast according to the familys nationality: Na zdrowie! or Salut! Lchaim! or Mazel Tov!

As you add elements into your speech, have an idea of the culminating key note and make sure each anecdote, joke or quote has something to do with your final thought. It shouldnt be hard, since the sentiment of your speech should be something along the lines of Great couple, great ceremony, great guests. Cheers!

2. REHEARSING THE SPEECH

Read the speech over as many times as you can. Rehearse it in a couple of candid friends that can give you feedback. You might even want to go as far as videotaping yourself to see how you look, but keep in mind that youre often your harshest critic. Go over your speech enough times that youll have it mostly memorized. Its okay to have notecards when you are up there, but dont be reading word for word. Give yourself at least a week or two to get comfortable with the speech.

3. DELIVERING THE SPEECH

Keep an eye out during the ceremony for observations worth commenting on during your speech. This is the only required bit of improvisation in your speech, but it is a nice touchit lets the wedding planners know that their work is appreciated. It can be something simple, but specifics work the bestthe soloist, the music selections, the floral arrangements, the brides dress are all good things to compliment.

Its important to keep your cool as you anticipate giving your speech, but there is a wrong way and a right way to do that. Dont get drunk. Youre giving a memorable speech at your best friends or son or daughters wedding, not trying to gain courage to hit on girls at the bar. Being noticeably hammered in pictures or on viceo is not the best way to deal with your nervousness.

Instead, take time to talk to as many guests as possible before your speech. Work the room and have a few laughs with some of the people you are going to be delivering a speech to. Encountering your audience one-on-one informally will boost your confidence for the formal speech you are about to give.

Right before its speech time, excuse yourself and visit the restroom. Straighten out your clothing and make sure your hair is kempt and there is nothing in your teeth or on your face. Take a deep breath then go out and give the speech youve been rehearsing all week. Remember to smile, laugh and cry if you feel like it. This is a big day heartfelt emotions are appreciated.

4. THINGS TO REMEMBER

Keep the speech short and to the point. Five minutes is long enough. Dont feel obligated to fill in every single detail, either. Only tell them what they need to know and want to know. Include only one anecdote or two short reminsices.

Try not to be too drunk when giving the speech!

Keep it clean. There will be kids, co-workers and grandparents there. No swears, no dirty jokes, no slurs or shock humor.

Balance your roasting with toasting. Feel free to add as many good-natured digs and jokes at the grooms expense as long as you have something positive to follow it up with.

Never, ever mention past relationships or touch on a subject that calls an ex into mind.

Compliment the bride and any other prominent women in the wedding party. Make them beam.

Speak loudly and slowly. Make sure every word you say can be understood. If you are holding a mic, dont put it too close to your mouth or your voice might distort. Also, try to avoid asking Can you hear me okay? Am I loud enough? over and over. Instead, just enunciate and project enough so people will be able to hear.

Focus on friendly, familiar faces when you talk. For the most part, face the bride and groom. When you turn to the guests, talk directly to a friend, especially if you are referencing them.

Relax. Remember that you are giving a speech to your family and friends. You have no need to prove yourself or perform like a professional. Be sincere and honest. Convey all those happy emotions you are harboring for this promising new couple.

5. RESOURCES


If you are still unsure of your own speech crafting, you can find tons of stock quotes, openers and closers on the internet. Check out this website that will build your speech for you:

http://www.weddingspeechbuilder.com

If you learn by example, take a look at these four star speeches:

http://www.hitched.co.uk/speeches/examples/index.asp

If you are looking for love-dovey quotes and romantic verses, check out these tried and true one-liners:

http://honeymoons.about.com/cs/wordsofwisdom/a/lovequotations.htm


6. LASTLY...

Be confident and be yourself. Nerves will kill you, and there is no reason to be worried. You wouldnt have been picked to give a speech if the bride and groom didnt already have faith in you. All you need to do is smile, tell a couple jokes and lead the rest of the guests in congratulating the bride and groom.