5. PLAY IT SAFE

You're a good kid, and we'd like to keep you around for a while. Having said that, we think you should carefully consider the following safety tips:

  • Remain calm. As impossible as it sounds, you must not panic.
  • Avoid camping alone in isolated areas. Ever hear of the Boogeyman?

  • Park your vehicle so it cannot be blocked by another vehicle in case of emergency.

  • We suggest that you do not bring pets. Leave them home, and make sure that you have someone checking up on them. Pets easily get lost in the wilderness.

  • Familiarize yourself with local emergency locations and phone numbers.

  • Avoid leaving your camping gear unattended.

  • Get to know your camping neighbors, and help protect each other's belongings.

  • Avoid walking alone at night. Again, the Boogeyman.

  • Carry a spare lock so you can use storage containers available at many parks.

  • Always lock your camping trailer towing hitch so your trailer cannot be towed away.

  • Before taking weapons with you, be aware of regulation. In many parks and wildlife refuges it is illegal to carry weapons. You might accidentally shoot the Boogeyman, and then his Boogeywife will be after you.

Once you've digested all that, there are other issues to deal with, including . . .

Bears
Pests
Ticks
Poison Ivy, Oak and Sumac

Bears

While bears generally won't harm you, there are certain steps you can take to avoid having one rip your face off. When hiking, carry pepper spray and keep a sharp eye out for bear evidence (such as poop larger than your boot). Tightly seal off ALL food, drinks, garbage, and anything else with a scent from tree branches in tightly-wrapped double baggies. If you see a bear, NEVER approach it . . . haven't you ever seen When Animals Attack? Don't panic, and don't run. Calmly back away. If the bear charges, then lie facedown on the ground, covering your neck with your hands. But whatever you do, don't fight back - the bear will interpret this to be an aggressive act, making it even angrier.

Pests

By "pests" we mean mosquitoes and wild animals - not your little brother. Unless you want to attract swarms of bugs, avoid wearing bright colors and perfume (guess those atomizer-wielding department store ladies should stay behind the cosmetics counter if they know what's good for them). Use repellent for mosquitoes, and keep your campsite clean. Wash dishes and cooking equipment thoroughly and seal up garbage in plastic bags and containers until it can be disposed of safely.

Ticks

You can keep ticks off your hair and body by wearing a hat, tucking your pants into your socks (like you did in the '80s), and wearing long sleeved shirts and light colors (ticks will show up better and can be removed sooner). Check yourself frequently. If found, ticks can be removed using a pair of tweezers and some patience. Lyme disease (no relation to lemyn disease) is a possible consequence of contact with ticks. Symptoms include a flat or slightly raised lesion that is up to several inches in size, fever, headache, lethargy, muscle pains, stiff neck and joint inflammation. If you exhibit any of these, seek medical help ASAP. Lyme disease can be treated with antibiotics if caught early enough, but it can also cause major health problems in the heart, nervous system and joints if left to run its course. More information about Lyme disease can be found here.

Poison ivy, oak and sumac

As they say, leaves of three, let it be. (Huh? Do they really say that?) In other words, be on the lookout for leaves with three leaflets. They're bad. Since you will already be wearing long sleeves and tucked in pants to avoid ticks, you should be relatively safe from poison ivy as well. If you still manage to get a rash, wash the area with soap and cold water as soon as possible. Also, lather up your clothes and gear. Urushiol (you-ROO-shee-ol), the ingredient in sap that causes allergic reactions, can spread very easily if not controlled. Contrary to popular belief, poison ivy rashes are not contagious from person to person - there must be direct contact with urushiol. To relieve the rash, take cool showers and rub calamine lotion on infected areas. Antihistamines such as Benadryl will also relieve itchiness, and usually cause drowsiness so you can get a good night's sleep. A warm bath with oatmeal or baking soda will alleviate pain from oozing sores and itchiness.

So now you know that a fun camping trip is well-planned and well-researched. Each camper must be willing to do his or her fair share of all the hard work involved. We've given you the basics; it's up to you to solve the mystery of the Blair Witch. So go out there and become one with nature, but please do come back!

But, if you're still having difficulty figuring out how to rub two sticks together, then check out this camping video. It's smokin'.

WATCH THIS HOW-TO VIDEO