6. DO THESE THINGS WHEN USING A CIGARETTE

Place the tobacco evenly

Don't think that just because the machine will do the work of forming the cylinder of tobacco for you that you can just shove tobacco in there haphazardly and expect it to come out perfectly. You must place the tobacco in evenly, so that it will not be bunched up and difficult to smoke. You must also be careful when sealing the chamber, as if there are enough loose ends of tobacco sticking out, they will be caught when the tobacco is forced out of the chamber. This could cause parts of the tobacco to bunch up which could, again, create overly dense sections of tobacco.

Fill in the filter end

Be careful to pack enough tobacco into the end nearest the exit point of the chamber, as this will be the part right next to your made-for-wussies filter. If that part is loosely-packed, it may inhale strangely, it might sag or scrunch in when you inhale, or it could fall apart near the end, which can send burning sparks all over the place. (While this is, as they say, "bitchin'," burning sparks are very bad.) Don't pack it in there so hard that it will smoke like wood. Just ensure that the whole area is filled with tobacco.

Tap down the tobacco

These things aren't perfect, so when the machine has caused the tobacco to be pushed into the tube, hold the machine so that the cigarette's tip will be pointing upward when you remove it from the machine. That way, loosely-packed tobacco at the end will be less likely to spill out. Then, continuing to hold the cigarette upright, tap the cigarette filter gently on a flat surface until the tobacco is more firmly packed. This is likely to leave a small section of tube at the tip of the cigarette free of tobacco. Twist up this loose paper so that it won't light funny and the well-packed tobacco will be kept in place.

Oh, and for all our boasting . . . we use a cigarette machine. Damn, people -- cigarettes'll kill you even faster if you smoke 'em unfiltered.