2. DETERMINE HOW MUCH YOU WANT TO SPEND

Ooh, I want "high-carbon isolating feet" on my DVD player! Well, are you willing to spend $5000? You're DVD-playing needs might not require such a weirdly-named feature. So before you go to the store, you should check out this guide and figure how much dough you're willing to lose. There are three ranges:

$300 range
$500 range
$1000+ range

$300 Range

Three hundred dollars is the cheapest that you should go. For that, you'll get:

  • a picture that is clearly superior to any VCR
  • scanning
  • zoom
  • preview options
  • a variety of basic and gee-whiz type features

Coincidentally, these are all great features to use when watching porn. The sound options are limited relative to what the upper-end models will have, but the picture will be outstanding. If that's all that matters to you, then get this model.

$500 Range

If you want to make the jump to the next level of players, look to spend around $500. For the extra cost you are likely to get some additional video reproduction technology that:

  • eliminates any imperfections
  • provides an even sharper picture
  • allows you greater control over the image

But most notable in this level of player are the sound output options. Most of the mid-range players will have surround sound and digital sound capabilities that their less-expensive brethren lack.

$1000 and up

If you still aren't satisfied with what you get, then expect to break to bank. The upper end models are going to run from $1000 on up. Heck, you can spend $5000 on a DVD player if you want. But even for the mere $1000 models, you're still treading into technophile territory:

  • gold-plated outputs
  • THX sound
  • high-definition ready
  • vulcanic visuo-sonic therptometers

OK, we made that last one up. But it proves that these top-notch DVD players are only for people obsessed with that kind of thing. Furthermore, you won't see many of the benefits unless the player is paired with other high-end components. A $1000 machine might not look better than a DVD player costing half as much on an old-ish 15" TV. So our suggestion is to forget these ultra-pricey players.

One overarching suggestion is for you to stick with name brands. Why? Well, if your DVD player breaks, a familiar name brand (Sony, Pioneer, Panasonic, Phillips, Toshiba) will honor the warrantee. Less familiar brands (Sonee, Pyoneer, Panasonik, Fillips, Tushiba) probably aren't quite as reliable at warrantee-honoring. If a name isn't familiar but you like the player, then do some research and find some feedback from other consumers who have the same machine-you should at least look the player up in Consumer Reports.