2. HATE THE DRUGS, NOT THE USER
It's tough to sit down with your friend and make comments that will invariably provoke the response "Who are you, my mother?" However, you've got to start somewhere, and the best thing to do is to criticize the substance that your friend is taking. If you start by criticizing or questioning some aspect of your friend's behavior, he might just shut you out, become defensive, or become confrontational. Of course, it doesn't take a genius to guess that a conversation that starts out with "Cocaine certainly is a dangerous chemical, wouldn't you say?" is going somewhere other than chemistry. Don't say it that way. Say it in the tone of voice you use when you're commiserating or communicating with your friend, and say something like "Cocaine sure sucks."If your friend bites at the bait you've laid out and starts talking about it, then you've got an opening to try to find out what's going on. Once the conversation turns to her substance use, casually ask how much she's using, and how often. Then ask if she thinks that's a lot, and, if she doesn't, ask what would be a lot. During this initial conversation, you just want to get your friend to admit to you and herself how much she's using, and to get her thinking about whether she's got a problem or not. Don't push it too far, and never be critical or judgmental. Close by saying that you want to help and that you want to talk about it again sometime.
If your friend does not take the bait, don't push. Once you've said something, both of you will know why you said it, and it will hang there until your friend chooses to acknowledge it. He might be ignoring it just to show you that he doesn't have to talk to you about it if he doesn't want to. He'd be right – he doesn't have to talk to you. So just leave it alone and see if he has the guts to come back to your earlier comment sometime later. If he doesn't, wait for another occasion and try again.
It might sound like we're suggesting you pussyfoot around the issue and keep the kid gloves on forever. What about tough love? We advise you to leave any confrontational approach to the family and/or the professionals. It's not your place to slap your friend around and be confrontational, and if you try it you'll almost certainly do it wrong and make things worse. If your attempts at gentle intervention are continually brushed off or ineffective, you should think about narking your friend out to his family (i.e., telling them he's a junkie), and suggesting they talk to a counselor about one of the more dramatic, tough love style interventions. If we can't talk you out of staging your own intervention, please, please speak to a professional counselor or otherwise seek help (see the list of resources in section 4) before you do it. Know exactly what you want your friend to do, and have a plan. Bust out the 4 Ways to End Drug Addiction, and help your friend work through them.
