2. ADOPT THE IRISH SPELLING
When we speak of adopting the Irish Spelling, we are not referring to Tori's long lost twin. Rather, we suggest that for you to really pull off the Irish persona, you not only need to sound different, but also convey an air of Irishness through your writing. And since writing is the perfect medium for crafting letters of affection to whomever you are trying to impress, you'll want to slip a few choice Gaelic signposts into your missives. One of the most confusing things for people who go to school in foreign countries is the rampant use of spelling variants among the various styles of English. The upside of this confusion is that you can dress yourself up in this foreigness by adopting some of its key incarnations. Here are the top three modifications.Adding the U
For some weird reason, those across the pond love to clutter up the clarity of lexicography by dropping in unnecessary u's all over the place. Most commonly, this vestigial vowel gets added after an "o" and before an "r." So the Irish, influenced too much by the Brits, use "our" instead of "or" in scads of words. Here are some examples:
armour behaviour colour favour honour humour parlour savour
Don't get complacent though, "glamour" is spelled with the "u" in American English. But we think you can pretty much add a "u" to any terminal "or" construction because if you get it wrong, you can simply protest, "Sorry, love, I just got confused with all the queer variations." You're home free, kid.
Changing the Z
Another good blanket rule for making your written English appear more Irish is to use an "s" rather than a "z" when using the "ize" construction. We'll summarise it to you with these examples:
crystallised industrialised memorise realised recognised specialised
You get the idea. Pretty much any word that uses an "ize" you can Irishise by changing it to "ise" and, remember, if you get it wrong, you can simply protest confusion at all the variations. The truth is, it is very difficult to keep them straight and how's a poor Irish lad or lass like yourself ever going to get it right all the time?
A spelling drill
There are a number of ways to improve your knowledge of Irish spelling, and we heartily encourage you to build up a store. With just a few changes here and there, you can set yourself apart from any other date. The primary repository of all British & Irish variations in spelling is the Oxford English Dictionary - but don't fret, we're not talking about the monstrous 20-volume set. You can buy one-volume versions of the OED, and any time you need to look up a word, check there first. You'll quickly happen across many variations in spelling that fall outside our two basic rules.
The best way to learn these spelling variations, though, isn't to start thumbing through a dictionary - you'll be bored to tears and never learn anything that way. Instead, just pick up some of that great Irish literature and dig in. There's a boatload of it out there and it's great stuff. Just read anything by James Joyce, Frank McCourt, Roddy Doyle, Seamus Heaney, William Butler Yeats, Samuel Beckett, George Bernard Shaw, or Pat McCabe. If there's one thing the Irish kick ass at, it's writing, and they have the Nobel, Booker, and Pulitzer Prizes to prove it. There's nothing like reading a great story to expose you to an army of spelling variations, so dig in. And be sure to jot down any curiosities that you find - you'll need them later.
