SOYOUWANNA FIND AN APARTMENT IN LA?

I thought you said you were moving to L.A. Why does this address say Glendale? Where the heck is Glendale? If you dread hearing these words (not that Glendale is such an awful place; it's great if you like malls), you need to read this fabulous article before you make the move to Los Angeles. Housing in Los Angeles is cheaper and easier to find than it is in New York, San Francisco, or Boston, but finding a place there is still no picnic. Los Angeles is the biggest megalopolis in the U.S.: it's a city that has cities within cities. It might seem like a nightmare to find an apartment there if you've never lived in a big city, but never fear -- we'll talk you through it and make amusing remarks on the way.

1. DETERMINE HOW MUCH YOU WANT TO SPEND ON RENT

Before you start looking for an apartment, you need to make an important decision: how much are you willing and able to pay in monthly rent? A good one-bedroom apartment on the west side of Los Angeles can go for $1200 per month or more, which is nothing to sneeze at. A good way to find your upper limit for housing costs is to divide your monthly net (after tax) income by three. If this figure seems unusually low, you have three options: (1) make more money, (2) consider living in a less expensive area, like mid-Wilshire or the Valley (see step 2), or (3) save money on rent by finding a roommate.

Maybe get yourself a roommate

If you decide to get a roommate to lower your housing costs, you can choose a friend/acquaintance yourself or you can use a roommate agency. (Some roommate agencies are online here and here.) Either way, you must carefully choose your roommate or you will rue the day you opted to hook up with a roomie. Obviously, not all strangers make good roommates (note: crackwhores are not desirable roommates), but less obviously, not all friends make good roommates. There are some people whose company you might well enjoy during the day, but who would drive you crazy if you lived with them. In order to exclude unsuitable persons from your life, you should ask all potential roommates the following questions to assess their compatibility:

• Have you ever had a roommate before? What, if anything, bothered you about your past roommates?
• Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend or other friend who will be staying here frequently? Are you promiscuous? (Do not be afraid to ask this one. You probably don't want strange people sleeping over a lot, and if you explain that this is the reason you're asking, it will establish what you consider unacceptable ahead of time.)
• Do you smoke? Drink? Do drugs? If yes to any, how often? Will you share your drugs?
• Do you stay out late on weekdays?
• Did/do you have any credit problems?
• Do you have any pets?
• What is your occupation?
• What do you like to watch on television? What music do you listen to?
• Why are you looking at me like that? What's wrong with your neck?

Whatever you ask, in the end you should feel very comfortable with your future roommate. If you do not, you are taking a big risk shacking up with this person. Don't say we didn't tell you if things don't work out. One last note about roommates: try to arrange it so that your roommates co-signs the lease. If your name is the only one on the lease, then you shoulder the entire burden of responsibility for the apartment from a financial standpoint. If your roommmate loses his/her job (and by extension, a steady cash flow), you'll be stuck paying his/her share of the rent. Then you'd be angry, poor, and kicking yourself for not following our sage advice.

2. PICK A NEIGHBORHOOD OR CITY

The Los Angeles area is a huge, sprawling, super spread-out megalopolis, filled with movie stars and lowlifes (and the two groups are not mutually exclusive). Many people who claim to live in L.A. actually live in another city entirely. The many independent cities which constitute the L.A. area make it very difficult for an unfamiliar person to search for an apartment there. What you need, of course, is a map, and there are several maps available.

Most residents of L.A. have a Thomas Guide in their cars. The Thomas Guide is the definitive guide to the Los Angeles metropolitan area, with extremely detailed maps of everything in the county. It's a very worthwhile purchase. Get it now.

Of course, the maps won't tell you what the areas and cities are like, and we won't either. We'd like to tell you, but there are over 100 definable neighborhoods/cities in the L.A. area and even more if you include Orange County (some people do commute from Orange County to L.A. or vice versa), and we just don't know that much. You can find tons of information about cities and regions here.

In Los Angeles and West Hollywood, there is a piece of folk wisdom which holds that west of Fairfax (a major street which runs north/south) is good, while east of Fairfax is bad. This is generally a good rule, subject to the following exceptions: (1) north of Beverly Boulevard, you can go much further east before it becomes foul, (2) in Hollywood itself, there is no strict eastern boundary on the "nice" area, and (3) when we say "bad", we don't necessarily mean "dangerous"; areas east of Fairfax are mostly just less pleasant. We're not going to single out any particular neighborhoods and claim that they're dangerous. Some residents' group might sue us for lowering their property values. Just drive to the location and use this simple test: if you are afraid to get out of your car, it's probably a dangerous neighborhood. L.A. is very helpful in that it doesn't hide its foulness; if you're in a bad neighborhood, you can tell. But to make a long story short, a lot of college/just-out-of-college students live in Westwood, West Hollywood is considered to be the hip/trendy/gay area, Santa Monica is a pricey and touristy but beautiful and fun area, Brentwood is rather expensive, but has nice restaurants and is centrally located, and then… there's the San Fernando Valley.

With regard to the San Fernando Valley (universally referred to as simply "the Valley" of "Valley girls" and Fast Times at Ridgemont High fame), a lot of people who work in L.A. live there, with good reason. It's very pretty there, there are lots of good restaurants, it's very safe, and the rents are cheaper so you get more bang for your housing dollar. The other side of the coin is that the Valley is hot, smoggy, and boring. Or so we hear. It's really kinda like one big suburb. Cities located in the Valley include: Burbank, Studio City, Sherman Oaks, Encino, Reseda, Tarzana, Van Nuys, Northridge, Granada Hills, Thousand Oaks, and Woodland Hills.

When you're reading about or visiting neighborhoods, keep the following factors in mind:

• Is the rent affordable? Are the stores, shops, gyms, and bars in the area affordable? (No matter what they say ahead of time, most people spend their money in nearby establishments.)
• How close is the public transportation you will use for the short time before you realize that it is impossible to live in L.A. without a car?
• What are the nearby schools like?
• Who lives in that neighborhood? Yuppies? Students? Ninjas?
• Where will you park your car? If the apartment you're looking at doesn't include parking, how easy is it to park on the street?

Here we will insert a timely word about commuting. First, you will need a car. You can technically live in L.A. without a car, but you will be bored out of your gourd, because nothing is ever within walking distance of anything else. And unless you're living in the storage closet of your workplace, be prepared to commute. Commuting is often the worst thing about living in Los Angeles, so you should try to place yourself somewhere that will allow you a livable commute to your work. Most people commute using the famous L.A. freeways, which are probably not as hellish as you've heard, but aren't much fun, either. The freeways which run roughly north-south are odd-numbered and those which run roughly east-west are even-numbered. The 10 freeway runs from Santa Monica through the west side to downtown and east L.A. The commute along the 10 from the west side to downtown, or vice versa, is usually from 20 to 40 minutes, depending on traffic. The 405, which runs along the coast a few miles inland, from the Valley down to San Diego, can be pretty nightmarish during rush hour and on weekend afternoons (especially near Century City and Santa Monica). The 101 runs from downtown through Hollywood and the Valley, and it is terrible during rush hour and early evening, but not too bad the rest of the time. When you're considering a place to live, it's best to go here and get driving directions from the apartment to your place of work (or the general area in which you expect to work). If it looks like a nasty commute (the driving directions will give you an estimated time), you might want to reconsider.

Once you have a basic idea of the neighborhood(s) you want to live in, you should decide whether or not you want to use a real estate broker. A broker is a person who does most or all of the apartment hunting for you. Not for free – brokers charge fees for finding you an apartment. That fee varies. In L.A., it is usually equivalent to a half month's rent, but it can be lower and it's worth shopping around.

Using a broker has several advantages. Brokers will do your leg work; they find apartments and make appointments to fit your schedule. A broker would probably be invaluable to an individual who is unable to take time off from work or to someone who lives out of town. Brokers also tend to have a wide selection of apartments to choose from, and they have access to apartments not available to the general public. If you do decide to use a broker, there are several ways to find one. Many brokers advertise in the newspapers or in online classified ads; you can also find brokers in the yellow pages. Finally, many companies have associated brokers used for relocating employees. If you work at a big company, ask your human resources person if there is a broker your company uses.

If you have the time to spend some time looking around yourself, it probably isn't necessary to get a broker. We understand laziness as well as anyone, but if cheapness is also a factor, do the work yourself and don't waste your money. It's not as tough to find a place in L.A. as it is in other big cities.

3. FIND AN APARTMENT YOURSELF USING THESE TECHNIQUES

Hit up your employer or school

You may want to begin your search by asking your employer if the company has any real estate services; some large companies hold apartments for employees or have very good contacts in the rental market. Similarly, if you have any school affiliations – alumni or current – contact your school and inquire as to whether the school has any apartment bulletin boards or online listings. These housing openings are often more affordable and safer than something you could find on your own, and many are open to people affiliated with the university.

Online

There are a bunch of apartment sites out there, but we like Move.com apartments & rentals the best. HomeStore provides regularly updated listings of apartments available for rent in various neighborhoods based on options you select. They also offer moving tips, roommate advice, legal tips and other information useful to renters.

Newspapers and magazines

Newspapers and magazines are good sources for apartment listings, both in print and online. Here are some examples:

APARTMENT GUIDE – A weekly publication of apartment listings available for free at just about any large grocery store. These tend to be heavy on the large complexes, as they charge money to advertisers and people with only one or two apartments to rent won't want to pay.

LOS ANGELES TIMES – The classified ads section includes listings for apartments in various areas. The L.A. Times online just transfers you to another online apartment listing when you try to see classified ads for apartments, so you have to buy the dead trees to get their advertisements.

THE DAILY BRUIN – A UCLA paper available for free at various places on UCLA's campus. They have a lot of westside apartment listings, and they can get some real gems sometimes. Definitely worth a look if you are interested in living anywhere near UCLA.

Bulletin boards, postings

Aside from letting you know what the area is like, driving around the areas in which you would like to live can be helpful in uncovering leads. People often post flyers offering nearby apartment sublets and rentals at churches, gyms, recreation centers, bus stop shelters, schools, and telephone booths in the neighborhood. Go. Look.

Driving around

A lot of landlords are too lazy, cheap, and illiterate to place ads anywhere at all, so all they do is dust off the old "For Rent" sign, write a barely-legible phone number on it in lime green crayon, and set it up somewhere near their building. In order to see these advertisements, you have to drive by them. It's really handy to have a cell phone when you're on these excursions, but, if you're not into brain cancer or you can't afford one, you can use pay phones. There are a lot of "For Rent" signs in and around West Hollywood, which can be a great place to live. There are also many in Hollywood, Westwood, Palms, and all over the Valley. In the Valley, you can go up to some of these big apartment complexes and a tanned, grinning person will come, show you around the whole building, and treat you like royalty. You should try this just for fun, even if you end up deciding that the Valley is hot, smoggy, and boring.

4. VISIT POTENTIAL APARTMENTS

Once you've found a listing that sounds promising, call right away to schedule an appointment. If you reach an answering machine, leave a clear, concise message; say that you are calling about the apartment that was listed in X publication. Give your name and telephone number, and ask the person to call you back at his/her earliest convenience to schedule an appointment to see the apartment. Follow up with another (polite) call in 24 hours if you don't get a call back. There are times when apartment renters are swamped, and won't return your call, but if you catch them while they're around, you usually work yourself an appointment.

If you are able to schedule an appointment, be sure to make a good impression. Arrive on time, dress neatly, and, in general, act like a mature, responsible individual who isn't going to skip rent payments, trash the apartment, or keep a pet wildebeest in the closet. Also remember to ask intelligent questions – asking questions will not only make you look responsible, but it will also give you a chance to learn information that may affect your decision to rent a particular apartment. Here is a list of general questions you should ask when you see an apartment:

• How long is the lease?
• Do I have the option to renew?
• How large of a deposit is required as security?
• Are utilities included in your rent? Which ones (gas, electric, water, cable, etc.)?
• Are you allowed to keep pets in the apartment?
• Are you allowed to sublet if you go away?
• What sort of security does the building have?
• Does the building have laundry facilities?
• Does the building have a super or some sort of arrangement for repairs?
• Does anyone else have keys to the apartment?
• Do you need special permission to make superficial changes, e.g. painting or hanging pictures?

5. BEFORE YOU SIGN, KNOW YOUR RIGHTS AS A TENANT

Once you've found an apartment, make sure you know your rights and responsibilities as a tenant. Your rights are best protected if you have a written lease. If you have an oral lease, you may be subject to restrictions that you aren't aware of. Just do what we say and get yourself a written lease.

It will probably make you happy to know that California has many laws protecting the rights of tenants. For example, you may be entitled to interest on your security deposit, and you may also be entitled to withhold rent if repairs aren't made in a timely manner. You should check out Ten Tips Every Tenant Needs to Know to familiarize yourself with basic tenant rights, remedies, and obligations.

You're all set! There's only a very small chance you'll eat lead in a drive-by.