You'll hold her flowers, you'll straighten her veil, you'll cater to her every whim. Ahhh . . . the joy of being a maid of honor (or matron of honor if you've already made it down the aisle yourself), and we do emphasize the word "maid" because you'll be doing all the work. In this time-honored and often thankless role, it's your duty to act as a support system for the bride in her time of chaos. Anyone who has ever been remotely involved with planning a wedding will tell you that it takes tons of preparation. After dealing with details like choosing which color icing to use on the third tier of the wedding cake and who is going to be seated next to smelly cousin Steve at the reception, it's enough to make any couple hop on the next flight to Vegas and get it over with as quickly as possible.

To prevent this from happening to your best friend and her hubby-to-be, you'll need to step in and help the bride with all aspects of the wedding. As the maid of honor, your role can range from helping the bride choose bridesmaids dresses to helping her find some good drugs when she has a nervous breakdown. Maids of honor are chosen for their emotional stability and composure, so be sure to stay positive every step of the way. Speaking of steps, here are a few designed to make you the best maid of honor the state of matrimony has ever seen.

1. ACT AS A POINT PERSON

While the bride is busy making honeymoon plans or stressing over the fact that there are only four groomsmen to escort her 16 bridesmaids down the aisle, you'll be the lucky person that guests and wedding party members look to for straightforward answers and information. The two main groups of people you'll be dealing with are the guests and the bridesmaids.

Guests

Let's start with the easiest responsibility: introducing yourself to future guests at pre-wedding events (like the engagement party or the bridal shower) and letting them know how they can contact you if they have any questions about the wedding. Since they might not want to bother the bride or her family with minor details, guests will be happy to flood your email inbox or fill up your entire answering machine tape with extremely important queries like, "Does the couple already have a George Foreman grill?" Know all the places the bride and groom are registered and encourage guests to buy gifts from their registry. If the bride expects a lot of out-of-town guests, be knowledgeable about hotels in the area and be ready to provide visitors with directions and appropriate places to stay.

Bridesmaids

It's also up to you prep the bridesmaids on what's going on and make sure they show up for any wedding-related events or practice runs. This includes all pre-wedding parties, rehearsals and dress-fittings. If the wedding is out of town, make sure the bridesmaids have adequate transportation and a place to stay for the big day. Think of yourself as a coach - you're in charge of the bridesmaids, and the wedding will run much more smoothly if you have a well-rehearsed team on your hands.

2. ORDER DRESSES FOR YOU AND THE BRIDESMAIDS

When it comes to the dresses, you're at the bride's mercy. Just hope she isn't into ruffled skirts and Peter Pan collars. If the bride seeks your advice in deciding how to dress the wedding party, then for the love of God jump on the opportunity to help her choose something that will look good on you and the other bridesmaids. (With an emphasis on you. Hey, being a maid of honor has to have some perks, right?) Besides, the bride might use the opportunity to play fashion mad scientist with all of her friends, so there has to be a voice of sanity.

Odds are you and the bridesmaids aren't all the same size and aren't all going to look good in every dress. Scout out the options the bride lays out, and offer suggestions if you sense she's lost. Discuss the styles the bride has picked out for you with the other bridesmaids. Some potential issues:

  • Age - Are you all the same age? If there are both 25-year-old and 45-year-old bridesmaids, aim for a dress that's appropriate for the whole range. The bigger the age range, the less experimental the bride should get.

  • Dress size - Are you all a perfect size 6? (Bitches.) Find a dress that's flattering for the size 14 before you worry about the size 4.

If you run into trouble trying to make everybody happy, explain to the bride that she could also consider slightly different styles of the same color dress (or the same style in varying colors) to flatter each member of the wedding party. Whoever said that everyone has to look like identical twins? Suggest that the bride tinker with pattern and color so that the bridesmaids will be happy. Remember that picking out the same dress for several women can be one of the most stressful parts of the wedding planning and the bride will lean on you for support.

Also keep in mind that you're gonna have to pay up. Unless the bride is marrying royalty, you'll probably have to pay for your own dress, shoes, bag, jewelry, Valium, and therapist. If the bride insists that you have your hair, nails and make-up professionally done for the wedding - because she's really high-maintenance and thinks you should be, too - it is customary for her to offer to pay for these services . . . but don't depend on it. You may be expected to pay for all aspects of your appearance on the wedding day. If you think the cost of being a member of the wedding party is going to be an issue for you, make sure to explain your feelings to the bride very early in the process. She's sure to choose more moderately-priced dresses and accessories if she knows you don't have much money to waste.

3. PLAN A WEDDING SHOWER

Yet another of your main responsibilities as the maid of honor is to coordinate a wedding shower. This is basically an event where a bunch of women sit around, play games, stuff their faces, and "ooh" and "aah" over blenders and bath towels. A good wedding shower takes creativity and a substantial amount of planning-you need to think about when and where to have it, who to invite, what party favors to give out, what games to play, where to get the strippers, how much it should cost . . . it's a lot of work! Which is why we wrote an entire SYW on the subject, aptly titled "SoYouWanna host a wedding shower?"

Read it thoroughly and enjoy it. Just remember to come back here, 'cause there's still plenty more for you to do. Like snag a man of your own in order to put a stop to the constant "always a bridesmaid, never a bride" jokes you hear. Or at least so you can get some good nookie.

4. PLAN A BACHELORETTE PARTY

While the concept is still relatively new, bachelorette parties are becoming more and more common for modern brides. Just as the best man is expected to create a wild and entertaining "last night of singlehood" for the groom, you may be expected to whip up your own version of this tradition for the blushing bride. Try holding the bachelorette party a week or more before the wedding so she isn't stressing about last minute details when she's supposed to be having a good time.

Because bachelorette parties are a relatively new custom, you've got tons of flexibility. Feel free to tailor the occasion according to what the bride likes to do. Here are some options to whet your appetite:

Strip clubs
Bars
Weekend getaways/vacations
Dining
Sports
Music
Gambling

Strip clubs

Hey, Zorro, I got a dollar to make you holler! Strip clubs may seem like an obvious choice, which is precisely what makes them so much fun. The "camp" factor is undeniable. Besides, how often do you have an excuse to go to these sleazy joints? Live it up, but remember: it's a well-known fact that many male dancers are gay. Don't write us angry letters, you know it's true. So don't fall in love with the entertainment.

Bars

Although bar hopping may seem like a very "guy" thing to do, it can be a great bonding experience for girls as well. While it's never a good idea to get completely sloshed, a little beer-soaked laughter never hurt anybody. Remember that the bride might not be comfortable spending the night in a bar a night or two before the wedding (one word: bloating), so make sure the event fits her needs.

Weekend getaways/vacations

If you've got more time to work with, try planning a weekend getaway or a night away at a spa or tropical resort. Get pampered, go sightseeing, dance with dashing foreign men who don't speak English.

Dining

If she's into food and dining, consider restaurant hopping for a night. Start out with appetizers at a Chinese restaurant, grab some Italian for dinner and end up at a small cafe for dessert and conversation. Or arrange for a private room at a chic new restaurant for you and the rest of the girls. Sign the guests up for a cooking class with tasting-time to follow, or take everyone for a day of wine or beer tasting.

Sports

If your friend is into sports or adventure, arrange for a day of skiing, water-skiing or sailing. Go see a home game of the bride's favorite baseball team. Hike to the top of a mountain or take a bike ride along the beach and bring food along for a picnic lunch. If you're all into roughing it, go camping for a weekend. (We don't recommend this one in areas near poison ivy. Calamine lotion doesn't go too well with a white wedding dress.)

Music

Bring your music-loving buddy to a concert, or head off to a club for some dancing. If you're feeling especially bold, go do karaoke and make fools of yourselves.

Gambling

Take the bride to a casino for the night and hope she wins some extra dough for the honeymoon. Poker, roulette, slot machines . . . it's all good. Just make sure you've got enough cash if you choose this option. You don't want the bride pawning her engagement ring for cab fare home.

Regardless of the type of bachelorette party you choose, you WILL need to do the following:

  1. Talk the plans over with the bride. Assuming you're not putting together a surprise event of some sort, discuss your ideas with the bride beforehand to make sure she's okay with the plans. Even though you think you know her well, she might want to do something uncharacteristic on her wild night out. Librarian by day, swinger by night. Let her follow her fantasies.

  2. Assign a designated driver. If your plan is to set a new record for most bars visited in one night, make sure there's a way for everyone to get home safely. There are three options: 1) decide beforehand which sucker is going to stay sober, 2) hail a cab, or 3) call a car service in advance. If you have the money to splurge, hire a limo and show up in style (even if you leave in a pool of your own vomit, it'll still be classy vomit).

  3. Make reservations. If you're planning on dining in an exclusive restaurant or other venue, make sure you have reservations for your party well in advance.

  4. Bring a camera. The pictures you take at the bachelorette party will come in handy when you need to blackmail the bride later.

  5. Be nostalgic. Most of the bachelorette party attendees will likely be college pals, close relatives, or life-long friends of the bride. They'll have tons of embarrassing and touching memories to share at the party. Make her laugh by telling funny stories about the bride's first impressions of the groom, or make her cry by telling her why she is so important to each attendee. (The crying will be good practice for the wedding day).

5. TEND TO THE BRIDE ON THE BIG DAY

In addition to all the fun and games you'll be planning for the bride and her friends at the pre-wedding parties, your emotional (and sometimes physical) support is never more important to the bride than it will be on the actual wedding day. As her honorable "maid," you're expected to give her your full attention on the day of the wedding and be ready to help with anything that may come up.

Don't just ask, "How can I help?" Anticipate any needs the bride may have. If you know, for example, that the only way to calm her nerves is with a bag of peanut M&M's, be prepared to make a junk food run on the morning of the wedding. Assign a bridesmaid or two to take care of greeting the DJ and accepting flower deliveries. Make sure you're among the first guests at the ceremony and double check that all the bridesmaids have the correct bouquets. Some other tasks to take care of:

  • Make sure the bride's looking good. Show up at the bride's house several hours before the wedding to help her get prettied up. Throughout the day, help her adjust her veil, fix her hair when it falls down, and apply more make-up if she needs it. Be prepared to go through this process several times-the bride wants to look her best on her wedding day, and if she hasn't hired a professional hair stylist or make-up artist to be with her every step of the way, you're the next best thing. Encourage the bride and tell her sincerely that she looks beautiful at all times. Even if she has turned as white as her gown and her hands are trembling from nervousness, let her know that she is the most stunning woman in the room (even compared to the groom's Angelina Jolie lookalike ex-girlfriend in the third row). Before she walks down the aisle, bustle her train and make sure she's comfortable walking with several feet on her dress trailing behind her. And no matter what, don't tell her about any of the mishaps that have already occurred. Handle 'em yourself.

  • Do your part during the ceremony. We hope your hands are free during the actual ceremony because you're going to be responsible for holding a lot of things. (Except that, you perv.) First off is the groom's ring, which will probably be presented to you on a velvet pillow by an adorable little ringbearer. Most maid of honor dresses aren't equipped with pockets, so make sure to place the ring on your thumb or index finger for safe keeping until you pass it over to the bride. While the couple is exchanging vows, grab the bride's bouquet and return it to her before she walks back down the aisle. The bride might ask you and the best man to sign the marriage license, so be prepared to hand off your bouquet to a bridesmaid when you are ready to sign. If you are attending a Jewish wedding, the bride might ask that you save the glass shards left on the floor when the groom breaks a glass with his foot. If this is the case, be sure to have a cloth napkin on hand so you don't get cut. Shedding blood during the ceremony is not a requirement for most maids of honor.

  • Do your part at the reception. At the start of the reception, you and the other bridal party members will most likely be positioned in the receiving line, which basically means you'll line up near the DJ and clap as the newly married couple is announced and walks in. If the bride requests that you circulate among the guests after this occurs, ask the other bridesmaids to assist you. Show the party-goers where they can find their placecards, ask them to sign the guest book if the bride has one, and be prepared to receive gifts and place them in their designated area.

    The bride might be a little overwhelmed with all the events taking place. Take her aside for a moment near the beginning of the reception and calm her down a bit if she needs it. Offer her food, drinks and encouragement. Be ready to accompany her on trips to the bathroom throughout the event. Further the stereotype that women always go to the bathroom in groups.

    After the best man gives his toast, it is not uncommon for you to say a few words either. If you're not so good at speaking off the cuff, make sure you have notes or a short speech (Oscar-length is about right) on hand.

  • Be friendly and out-going. Talk to guests who look lonely. Be the first one on the dance floor and encourage other guests to join you. You are somewhat of a hostess at the reception and you should encourage everyone to enjoy themselves. Dance with the best man during the first formal dance, even if he's a dork. Next, dance with the groomsmen, the groom, the bride's brother, the groom's father, and the bride's great uncle Ernie. At least you'll burn a few calories.

  • Bring tissues. As happy of an occasion as a wedding is, there's always a lot of crying involved. Whether the bride is brought to tears because she's so happy to start her new life with her one true love or because the best man stepped on her pinky toe during the last dance, she's gonna need tissues in order to keep her makeup job intact. No sense seeing a bunch of Tammy Fayes running around.

  • Help the bride get un-dressed. Getting the bride dressed and ready for the ceremony was a big task, and she'll need help once again when she changes for the honeymoon after the reception. Help her out of her dress and into her regular clothes and adjust her hair and make-up again if she needs it. In some cases, maids of honor are trusted with the gown after the reception and are responsible for keeping it until the bride returns. Ask the bride before the wedding if she'll want you to do this and arrange for a place to store the dress while she is away.

  • Enjoy yourself. Planning this wedding was just as hard for you as it was for the bride, and you deserve to celebrate! Keep the bride laughing and in good spirits throughout the evening and see to it that you have a great time as well. And try to catch that damn bouquet. That way, next time someone else can do all the grunt work.