Are you sick of shot-gunning warm beer from the can? Are you looking to booze it up with some style and bust out some great old drinks? Perhaps there's some drink you've heard of many times but you've never tried (the specific drink to which we refer is the Harvey Wallbanger, which everyone has heard of but no one has ever actually ingested), and you want to satisfy your curiosity. Whatever your reason to introduce some variety into your long, slow descent into alcoholism, we can help you out.

We have selected a variety of classic drinks, not including shooters (e.g., Sex on the Beach, Orgasm, etc.) or highballs (e.g., vodka and orange juice, rum and coke, scotch and soda, etc.), and we provide you with everything you need to know to mix'em up. Happy drinking!

1. KNOW THESE TERMS

There's not a whole lot of terminology you'll need to know to start mixing drinks, but here are a few terms which might be unfamiliar or used in a particular sense in the mixing context:

Blend: When we say "blend" in a drink recipe, we mean with a blender.

Cocktail Shaker: This is a device which allows you to shake the hell out of drink ingredients without them getting all over the place. It is composed of a stainless steel vessel with either a glass which fits into it or a lid. You simply place the ingredients and ice (usually) into the shaker, connect the glass or lid to the shaker, and shake.

Dash: A small amount of an ingredient. This is somewhat vague, to allow room for individual tastes, but if you don't know the tastes of the individual for whom you're making the drink, a dash should be about 1/4 of a teaspoon.

Glassful: When we say to add a glassful of ice, we intend for you to measure the glassful in the glass in which the drink will be served.

Shake: This refers to the placing of the ingredients into a cocktail shaker, usually with ice, and shaking five to ten times so that the ingredients are thoroughly mixed and chilled by the ice. The contents are then usually strained out into a glass.

Stir: Take a long, thin thing, place it into a container which holds drink ingredients, and move it around in a vigorous, circular motion. You're stirring! Many drinks require ingredients to be stirred with ice and then strained into another glass for drinking. You can stir the drink in anything large enough to contain the ingredients and ice, and then you strain it into the appropriate glass.

Strain: This requires the use of a strainer, a device which is usually made of thin metal formed into a circle, with stainless steel coils around one half of the circle and a handle projecting from the other side of the circle. The strainer is used to keep ice in a container in which ingredients have been shaken or stirred while the drink is being poured into a glass. The coiled side of the circle is placed against the edge of the container from which the liquid is being poured, and this keeps the ice cubes inside the container. You've seen your bartender do it a million times, so now you can give it a try.

2. STOCK YOUR BAR

Drink ingredients

We've listed a lot of drinks here, and we're not going to insist that you buy all the ingredients it would take to make all of them. We suggest the following list of ingredients because they occur in many drinks. If you buy all of the items on the list, you will be able to satisfy most of the recipes we provide. Instead of purchasing all of these items, you might want to go straight to the list of drinks, see which ones you'd like to try first, and buy the ingredients those drinks require.

Basic Ingredients:

  • Gin
  • Vodka
  • Tequila (white, dark, or both)
  • Rum (light and dark)
  • Vermouth (extra dry for martinis, sweet or dry for other drinks)
  • Whiskey
  • Scotch
  • Brandy or Cognac
  • Triple Sec
  • Grenadine
  • Angostura Bitters
  • Cream
  • Sugar
  • Lemon Juice
  • Orange Juice
  • Club Soda
  • Lots and lots of ice

Equipment

In a pinch, you could probably make most of these drinks with a glass and a chopstick, but there are a few pieces of equipment which will make your mixing easier and classier. You should obtain the following items:

Basic equipment:

  • Tumblers (short, fat glasses, also known as "rocks" glasses)
  • Tall glasses (tall, thin glasses, also known as "highball" or "collins" glasses)
  • Shot glasses (for measuring and/or serving)
  • Measuring glass
  • Cocktail or Martini glasses
  • Margarita Glasses (optional -- they look like rounded martini glasses)
  • Stirrers (fancy glass wands, long-handled bar spoons, plastic forks, etc.)
  • Corkscrew (none of these drinks include wine, but you really should have one of these)
  • Cocktail Shaker
  • Strainer (it's a round thing with coils all around one side)
  • Blender (only used for a few drinks)
  • Ice bucket and ice tongs

3. MIX ONE OF THESE CLASSIC DRINKS

We were thinking about putting these in ascending order of the average specific gravity of their ingredients, but we decided to be original and list them alphabetically. First we list them by name only, so you can see what we've got, and then we go straight to the detailed listings which tell you how to make the drinks.

Drinks Listed by Name Only:

B-52
Bellini
Black Russian
Bloody Mary
Brandy Alexander
Champagne Cocktail
Cosmopolitan
Daiquiri
Fuzzy Navel
Grasshopper
Harvey Wallbanger

Irish Coffee
Long Island Iced Tea
Manhattan
Margarita
Martini
Old Fashioned
Pina Colada
Pink Lady
Planter's Punch
Rob Roy
Rusty Nail
Singapore Sling
Stinger
Tequila Sunrise
Tom Collins
Velvet Hammer
Vodka Martini
Whiskey Sour
White Russian
Zombie

Detailed Listings:

B-52

1 part Grand Marnier
1 part Kahlua
1 part Bailey's Irish Cream

Shake ingredients in equal parts with ice. Strain into tumblers or serve as shooters.

Bellini

1 oz. Peach Schnapps
3 oz. Champagne

Pour the Peach Schnapps into a champagne glass (if you have one) or a cocktail glass and add Champagne.

Black Russian

1.5 oz. Vodka
.75 oz. Coffee Liqueur

Pour Vodka (preferably Russian) into a tumbler filled with ice. Add Coffee liqueur and stir. This drink looks jaunty with a swizzle stick in it, but don't worry if you don't have any.

Bloody Mary

1.25 oz. Vodka
2.5 oz. Tomato Juice
Dash of Worcestershire Sauce
Dash of Tabasco Sauce
Dash of Salt and Pepper

Pour Vodka into a tall glass with ice and pour Tomato Juice on top. Add the spicy stuff, and then garnish with a Celery Stick. For a "Bloody Caesar," replace Tomato Juice with Clam-Tomato Cocktail.

Brandy Alexander

1.5 oz. Brandy or Cognac
.5 oz. Dark Creme de Cacao
1 oz. Cream or Ice Cream

Shake all ingredients with ice and strain into a cocktail glass.

Cosmopolitan

oz. Cointreau
oz. Triple Sec
1 oz. Vodka
oz. Lime Juice
oz. Cranberry Juice

Fill a mixing glass halfway with ice. Pour in all ingredients, shake vigorously,and strain into a chilled Martini glass. Garnish with a Lime wedge.

Champagne Cocktail

3 oz. Chilled Champagne
1 cube Sugar
Dash Angostura Bitters

Place cube of Sugar in a chilled champagne flute (if you have one) or cocktail glass, fill with Champagne and stir once. Garnish with a Lemon Twist.

Daiquiri

1.5 oz. Light Rum
.5 oz. Lemon Juice
1 tsp Powdered Sugar

Shake all ingredients with ice and strain into a cocktail glass. If you're wondering where the ice slush is, you must be thinking of a Frozen Daiquiri, which we don't discuss in this article because of our emphasis on classic drinks.

Fuzzy Navel

1.5 oz. Peach Schnapps
3 oz. Orange Juice

Pour the Peach Schnapps into a tumbler with ice, add the Orange Juice and stir.

Grasshopper

.5 oz. Green Creme de Menthe
.5 oz. White Creme de Menthe
.5 oz. Cream

Put the ingredients into a blender with a glassful of ice and blend until smooth. Serve in a margarita glass (if you have one), a cocktail glass, or a tumbler.

Harvey Wallbanger

.25 oz. Galliano
1 oz. Vodka
4 oz. Orange Juice

Pour Vodka and Orange Juice into a tall glass with ice. Float the Galliano on top of the other ingredients (don't stir) and serve.

Irish Coffee

1.5 oz. Irish Whiskey
Hot Coffee
Sugar
Cream

Pour Irish Whiskey into a mug, fill with coffee and add cream and sugar to taste. It's Irish because it has booze in it. Irish booze, no less.

Long Island Iced Tea

.5 oz. Vodka
.5 oz. Light Rum
.5 oz. Gin
.5 oz. Light Tequila
.5 oz. Triple Sec
Cola

Shake the booze with ice and strain into a tall glass. Fill the glass up with Cola and make your apologies in the morning. Can also be served over ice.

Manhattan

2 oz. Whiskey (not Scotch - use Irish or Bourbon)
1 tbsp. Sweet or Dry Vermouth
Dash Angostura Bitters

Pour ingredients into a tumbler, stir, and garnish with a Cherry.

Margarita

1 oz. Tequila (your preference)
1 oz. Cointreau or Triple Sec
1 oz. Sweet & Sour Mix or Lime Juice

Shake ingredients with ice and strain into a salt-rimmed margarita glass or cocktail glass with ice. Alternatively, you can blend the ingredients with a glassful of ice. Garnish with a Slice of Lime. This is the classic margarita; all other "margaritas" are usually just fruity booze smoothies. To rim the glass with Salt, you simply place a small amount of Salt (Coarse Salt looks coolest) on a dry surface, rub a Lemon or Lime slice around the rim of an empty glass, and then rub the rim of the glass in the Salt.

Martini

2 oz. Gin
Dash Extra Dry Vermouth

Shaken, or stirred? You can make your martini either way. Shake or stir the ingredients with ice and strain into a cocktail glass. Garnish with an Olive (or several Olives, as seems fashionable at the moment) or a slice of Lemon Rind (a.k.a. a Lemon Twist). A drink of this importance deserves further comment. This recipe will yield a very dry martini; the less Vermouth you add, the drier the martini will be. Some recipes call for a 2-to-1 or 3-to-1 Gin-to-Vermouth ratio, and there's nothing wrong with mixing your martinis that way if you like them that sweet. Experiment with different ratios and see if you like your martini sweeter or drier. Try not to shake or stir long enough to allow the ice to melt and dilute the drink. Eight good shakes or about five seconds of stirring should be enough, and then you strain it into a glass immediately. Real martinis are made with gin, and they precede vodka martinis by decades. Do not upset purists by asking whether they want vodka or gin in their martinis; if someone asks for a martini, he wants gin, and if he wants vodka he'll have to say so.

Old Fashioned

1.5 oz. Whiskey (any kind)
.25 oz. Powdered Sugar
2 dashes Angostura Bitters
1 tbsp. Club Soda
Cherry
Slice of Orange

Place Cherry (without stem), Orange Slice, Sugar, and Club Soda in a tumbler and mash them around with a spoon until they have blended well. Add the whiskey and bitters and stir.

Pina Colada

1.5 oz. Rum (your preference)
2 oz. Pineapple Juice
2 oz. Cream of Coconut

Shake with ice and serve in a margarita glass or cocktail glass over ice. Alternatively, you can blend it with a glassful of ice.

Pink Lady

1.5 oz. Gin
2 tsp. Grenadine
3 oz. Cream

Shake all ingredients with ice until well blended and strain into a cocktail glass.

Planter's Punch

2 oz. Light Rum
1 tsp. Sugar
2 oz. Orange Juice
Dash Grenadine
1 tbsp. Dark Rum

Shake Light Rum, Orange Juice, Sugar, and Grenadine with ice and strain into a tall glass. Top with Dark Rum.

Rob Roy

2 oz. Scotch
.5 oz. Sweet Vermouth

Stir ingredients with ice and strain into a cocktail glass. After a few of these, you'll be convinced that you're Scottish, and might be tempted to speak in a Scottish accent. Don't.

Rusty Nail

1 oz. Scotch
1 oz. Drambuie

This stuff is an alcoholic's candy. Pour the booze into a tumbler with ice and stir. Swirl the booze and the ice cubes around under your nose and inhale the sweet smell of excess.

Singapore Sling

1.5 oz. Gin
.5 oz. Benedictine
.5 oz. Grenadine
Dash Lemon Juice
.5 oz. Cherry Brandy
Club Soda

Pour first four ingredients and into a tall glass with ice and stir well. Fill almost to top with Club Soda, top with Cherry Brandy. Garnish with a Cherry.

Stinger

1.75 oz. Brandy or Cognac
.25 oz. White Creme de Menthe

Pour ingredients into a tumbler with ice and stir.

Tequila Sunrise

1.5 oz. Tequila (your preference)
.5 oz. Grenadine
Orange Juice

The idea of this drink is to pour it so that there are recognizable layers. You must pour it very gently or the ingredients will mix together and ruin the effect. Pour Grenadine into a tall glass and then place ice cubes into the glass with ice tongs until full. Then gently pour in Tequila, then Orange Juice. It should go from bright red to deep orange to light orange. If it doesn't, it's probably because you poured it too fast, so don't blame us. Garnish with a slice of orange, and then stop worrying about the layers and serve it or drink it.

Tom Collins

1.5 oz. Gin
1 oz. Lemon Juice
Club Soda

Shake Gin and Lemon Juice and pour into a tall glass over ice. Fill with Club Soda and serve.

Velvet Hammer

1 tbsp. White Creme de Cacao
1.5 oz. Vodka
1 tbsp. Cream

Shake all ingredients with ice and strain into a cocktail glass.

Vodka Martini

2 oz. Vodka
Dash Extra Dry Vermouth

Shake or stir ingredients with ice and strain into a cocktail glass. Garnish with Olive(s) or a Lemon Twist. This recipe makes a very dry vodka martini (see the discussion of the Martini, above), so if you like it sweeter you should use more vermouth -- up to about .75 oz., depending upon your taste. James Bond likes his vodka martinis dry, so that's how we mix'em.

Whiskey Sour

1.5 oz. Whiskey (not Scotch, Irish, or Bourbon)
1 oz. Lemon Juice
1 tsp. Powdered Sugar

Shake all ingredients with ice and strain into a whiskey sour glass (if you have one) or cocktail glass. Can also be served over ice.

White Russian

1.5 oz. Vodka
.5 oz. Coffee Liqueur
.5 oz. Cream

Shake all ingredients and serve in a tumbler over ice.

Zombie

.75 oz. Light Rum
.75 oz. Dark Rum
1 oz. Pineapple Juice
1 oz. Orange Juice
1 oz. Lemon Juice
1 tsp. Powdered Sugar
Dash Overproof Rum ("151")

Shake all ingredients except Overproof Rum with ice and strain into a tall glass (with or without ice). Then float the Overproof Rum on top and garnish with a slice of Pineapple (if you have one kicking around) and/or a cherry.

4. DRINK AND ENJOY

Once you've selected a drink, mixed it, and got it into your hands or someone else's, there's not much else to say. We might possibly be legally obligated to say (and, therefore, we shall say) that you should drink responsibly, meaning that you must not drink and drive, otherwise violate liquor laws, provide alcohol to minors, or be a minor who drinks. Set yourself down somewhere far from car keys and other unwholesome temptations, and mix some drinks for you and your friends. Print this article and keep it behind the bar so you can be the consummate host.

Enjoy your drinks, and rest assured that you are just as witty and charming as you think you are.