The roar of the rapids! The thrill of cascading waterfalls! The aroma of peach-scented bath salts and the factory-manufactured squawk of your rubber ducky... hey, wait a second. You're not whitewater rafting - you're just taking a bubble bath. You wimp. Wasn't this the year you promised yourself you'd try an extreme sport? And while surfing the net with your iBook's electrical cord dangling precariously over the rim of the bathtub may qualify as "dangerous," it hardly passes for an extreme sport now, does it?

So get out of the bathtub and give whitewater rafting a try. Here are some reasons why you should take the plunge:

  • Whitewater rafting is an exciting way to see the great outdoors.

  • Whitewater rafting is a challenging (but fun) way of testing your strength, endurance, reflex time and ability to think on your feet.

  • Whitewater rafting is a group activity that brings friends closer together through teamwork.

  • Whitewater rafting is a whole lot cheaper than those big sissy cruise ships.

  • Whitewater rafting is a sheer adrenaline rush.

  • Whitewater rafting gives you a great excuse to toss back a few brewskis when you're done.

  • Whitewater rafting gives you bragging rights to whatever river you tamed, making you much more attractive to the whitewater groupies everywhere.

1. LEARN ABOUT RAPIDS

The first thing you need to know about whitewater rafting is that it takes place on rivers. But not all rivers are created equal. Some rivers are big and muddy; some are calm and winding; and only some are conducive to whitewater rafting, since the sport requires a little something called rapids. Here's what you need to know about rapids:

  • Rapids are the result of the vertical descent of a body of water over a given horizontal distance. Water travels downhill. As obvious as that sounds, you'd be amazed at how many truly clueless people - not yourself, of course - live under the misconception that water travels from north to south, regardless of geography or topography, until it meets an ocean.

  • While all rivers have some downhill gradient, steeper gradients result in more rapidly moving water. Rapids, or whitewater, arise as a result of steeply descending river channels.

  • Some of the most famous river rapids in the country include the Snake River and Colorado River (through the Grand Canyon). But there are thousands of rivers in every state that offer whitewater rafting trips.

  • Since these channels are still being carved by erosion, whitewater rafters have been known to encounter numerous boulders and layers of hard bedrock that sit in the river's path. You know what that means? Fun stuff like vortices of swirling or funneled water, natural ramps, and sudden drops in elevation. Real adrenaline pumpers.

  • Rapids are generally classified on a scale of 1-5. The idea is to find a happy medium. Class 1 rapids are just a bit more exciting than a calm river (think water park tameness), while Class 5 rapids are likely to give you heart palpitations.

While there are rivers in the U.S. that are considered Class 6, you will have a very difficult time finding an outfitter that offers expeditions on them, due to the extreme danger involved.

If you're über-adventurous, the Blue Nile River in Africa has rapids that are classified from 1 to 10. In addition to being even more dangerous than a U.S. Class 6, this mighty river has the added challenges of African crocodiles, sleeping death (due to tsetse flies), malaria, and roaming machete-wielding bandits. We recommend you steer clear of these crazy rivers, especially on your first couple of times out. Typically, a good course for beginners mixes Class 1, 2 and 3 rapids. To find almost any level of rapid classification on any river, check out the American Whitewater Association or GORP.com.

2. KNOW WHAT TO EXPECT

Rafting guides are frequently surprised to find guests that have no idea what is expected of them, including those who assume that, having paid a good $45 for the trip, they should not have to paddle. Guess what, though: no matter what, you WILL have to paddle. Hey, that's part of the allure of river rafting. The whole "take-charge" attitude is what makes river rafting an exciting sport.

So what exactly is expected of you on the river? Here goes:

  • You must show up sober and stay sober. Rafting outfitters will not allow (or at least should not allow) you on the water if you show up drunk or high.

  • There really isn't any need for special training at home prior to your expedition. So before you embark on this extreme sport, you can maintain your standard daily routine of Hungry Man microwave dinners and I Love Lucy reruns on TV Land. Of course, at the end of a long day of running rapids, you will very likely be sore in many unusual places, but that's just one more reason to sign up for a massage afterwards, should it be a service your outfitter (or significant other) provides. One note: though many outfitters may not require that you know how to swim, it sure is a lot safer. It IS a river.

  • You should advise your guides (in private, of course) of any pre-existing medical conditions or injuries that may affect your performance. These include heart conditions, back and neck (spinal) injuries, diabetes, and epilepsy. Although such a condition may never play out during the expedition, it's always a good idea to make your guides aware of it.

  • You are expected to be a good team player; conversely, this means you want to pick adequate team players to accompany you. Most rafts are designed to accommodate four or five passengers, so choose three or four friends whom you deem capable, competent and level-headed. (Of course, you can sign up as an individual, but you will wind up sharing a raft with strangers.)

  • Pay close attention during the tutorial prior to your expedition. The most common error most rafters encounter is the counter-intuitive nature of paddling: to turn right, you paddle with the left oar, and vice versa. Often, it helps to elect a leader, either someone with prior experience or else a natural born leader.

  • Your attire is important. If you are going in the spring or fall, make sure to have wool socks and possibly a wool pullover sweater. Wool pulls water away from your skin to the surface of your clothing and prevents excessive loss of body heat. A windbreaker and wool cap may also help retain body heat. In the spring, you will most likely be provided a mandatory wet suit like those worn by surfers. Spring rains and melting winter snow combine to make very cold water in March, April and even May. Don't be a diva just because your wetsuit clashes with your nail polish color; odds are that without that cumbersome looking thing, you're going to be blue all over.

    In the summer time, shorts, cut-offs, bathing suits or swim trunks are all acceptable, as are T-shirts and tank tops. Bear in mind, however, that in summer time the rapids are also much lower and therefore less exciting. Also, summer sun means a need for a waterproof sunscreen.

    And in any season, wear shoes that you don't mind getting wet.

3. FIND AN OUTFITTER

We're not taking about seeking out a fashionista to hook you up with some fine threads. By "outfitter," we mean a company that offers whitewater rafting expeditions.

Here's a tip: Almost any river rafting outfitter that has been in existence for over a year and has nice, little glossy brochures (or a nice, little website) is probably a safe bet. Unlike telemarketing and credit card scams - which can exist on a fly-by-night basis - producing a fly-by-night (or would that be float-by-night?) whitewater rafting scam is not nearly as easy or profitable.

Here are a few places to find a reputable outfitter:

  • Visit GORP.com's paddling page, which has links to outfitters all over the country.

  • Check out RiverSearch's listings of whitewater rafting vacations. They have tons; most likely at least one in your area too.

  • Seek out local adventure organizations, or, more specifically, whitewater, canoe, raft or kayak clubs. You can always try the Yellow Pages under "rafts," "rafting," or "expeditions."

  • If you're in college, there are often school clubs and organizations that offer discount whitewater rafting trips. Check it out, sign up, make friends.

  • Check out sporting and adventure magazines such as Whitewater Paddling, Men's Journal, Outdoor and Paddler.

  • You can always do a simple Internet search on a search engine. For instance, Yahoo lists over 100 potential outfitters here.

  • Lastly, contact your local or state game and forestry commissions. They know a lot about rivers. They know a lot about squirrels too, but you probably don't care.

When shopping around for an outfitter, keep the following in mind:

Price
River guides
Special needs
Emergencies

Price

Typically, whitewater expedition rates run from $30 to $75 per person (for a 2 - 6 hour trip), depending on:

  • Area: high-traffic popular areas often cost more.

  • Season: spring and autumn are peak seasons, so that's when prices are highest.

  • The day of the week: weekends tend to be more expensive for obvious reasons.

  • How many people you have in your group.

  • What extra services the outfitter offers. For instance, most outfitters will provide some kind of lunch to their guests. Many also include tie-in activities such as biking, hiking, private canoe and kayak rentals for experts, camping, hotels or B&B's, and skirmish (also known as paintball). These tie-in activities may make a long drive to the whitewater course more worthwhile, but will also necessitate lodging; so do be sure that they go hand in hand. If the outfitters themselves do not have guest lodging, check local directories for hotels, motels, campgrounds and B&B's.

River guides

The most important service the outfitter provides to you as a novice is a guide. You don't want to jump into a raft with any old freak, so make sure your guide can hold his/her own. Here are some tips:

  • Ask your outfitter what the standard ratio of guests to guide is. Fifteen to twenty guests per guide - or four or five rafts per guide - is standard. Fewer is fine, but more could mean that the guide has too many guests to handle.

  • You may wish to ask the outfitter what sort of training they provide their guides. Typically, two to four weeks of training is necessary. Of course, to even qualify to receive this training, the guides already have to have certain qualifications. But you also want to make sure that the guide has received training on the specific course that he/she will be taking you on.

  • Guides should provide guests with 15 to 30 minutes of training prior to embarking on the river. This training should include how to paddle and what to do if your raft capsizes or if you are thrown overboard. (Whoops… we mean "when," not "if.")

Special needs

Most rafting outfitters are equipped to accommodate customers with special needs, provided they are notified in advance. Do not assume that injuries or pre-existing medical conditions are inherently prohibitive. Good outfitters should be able to handle conditions ranging from relatively mild (stocking extra fruit or a candy bar for diabetics) to more severe (readying the raft for paraplegic customers). Just be sure to give as much notice as possible. Sometimes this'll bump the cost up (extra time spent on one customer means that they won't be able to fill the raft up with other customers), but it's worth it.

Emergencies

Asking about emergency procedures can also reveal a great deal about the level of expertise and legitimacy of a whitewater rafting outfitter. Often, river rafting courses are close enough to roads that guides (if need be) will be able to shoot flares from the river. If you are especially concerned about the certifications or qualifications of your outfitter, you can double-check the company's references with state and local park commissions.

4. KNOW WHAT TO DO IN AN EMERGENCY

Now all you have to do is sail down the open rivers and enjoy! But before you jump into a tiny piece of rubber and go careening over waterfalls, you should at least be able to handle yourself in an emergency. (Yes, peeing your bathing suit is a good start, but there's more you can do):

  • NEVER PANIC, because that's the only thing that can lead to drowning or death. Deaths are incredibly infrequent on guided rafting tours.

  • Remember, your guides are equipped with all sorts of first aid and emergency equipment.

  • In addition to having your capable river guides in tow, most expeditions have a lead guide in a kayak equipped with buoys, ropes and lifesavers, and you will be required to wear a life saving flotation device (usually a vest).

  • If you fall out of your raft, float downstream on your back until a guide can get to you. The guide will tow you to shore and (if you're lucky), perform mouth-to-mouth.

Most people's attitudes change drastically from the beginning of a rafting expedition to its end: they go from being apprehensive and nervous to confident and boisterous. Of course, there is the occasional whiner, but the entire group (including the guides) can handle those wimps by continually splashing them with water.

A white-water rafting trip will leave you with memories to last a lifetime, as well as potential souvenirs: many outfitters now videotape expeditions and take photos at strategic points on the river for guests to purchase afterwards. Ahhh…capitalism meets nature. What a beautiful thing.