THIS IS THE TRUE STORY

This is the true story (well, mostly)
Of seven strangers (most of them freaks)
Picked to live in a house (surrounded by 20 nosy cameramen)
And have their lives taped (and edited from 2,000 hours to 22 half-hour shows)
To find out what happens when people stop being polite (polite = no ratings)
And start getting real (or at least completely and utterly melodramatic)

So begins MTV's mother of all reality shows, The Real World. We all know the saga: stick seven photogenic kids into a lavishly decorated, excessively large house and chronicle the week-by-week unfolding of petty differences, post-teen dramas, and ordinary (but dramatically magnified) roommate squabbles.

Admit it. You love them, you hate them. You are jealous of them and you are disgusted by them. (Come on, do they really need a robotic dog?) But who hasn't wanted to be one of them?

We've all had friends who had friends who auditioned. We all know someone who knows someone who knows someone who was a finalist. Now it's your turn.

1. BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR

Most of us have it in us somewhere - that voyeuristic, self-proclaimed movie star just waiting for the right time to jump out into the limelight. And The Real World is just the place to do it. After all, with no acting experience to speak of, you can parlay your 15 minutes of fame into a full-fledged third-rate career (have you seen Colin from the Hawaii season on NBC's groaner MYOB?).

We assume that you have plenty of good reasons for wanting to get on The Real World: A kick-ass house (the fridge is fully stocked, big screen TV, pool table, six-foot fish tank, hot tub... for FREE), fame, interesting experiences, and perhaps a stint hosting The Grind. But you must realize that in exchange, you have to give up a lot. So before you apply, think long and hard about the following:

  • Lack of daily privacy. We're talking 124 days of televised psychological dissection. Complete loss of privacy. You'll have to live in a house without interior doors (they're not allowed in Real World abodes, except in the bathroom). Tiny cameras are hung everywhere. Hidden microphones capture all conversations. Even the phones are tapped. Every flinch, every utterance, every laugh and tear, is public domain. The recipe for reality also includes one director sitting in front of 26 monitors and dispatching camera crews to anywhere in the house, at any time of day.

  • Revelations. It's more than just losing your daily privacy; you have to realize that when you're on TV talking about your family and friends, it affects them too. If you talk about your alcoholic father (a la New Orleans' Melissa) or your mom's abortion, you then single-handedly force them to air their dirty laundry. And consider all the snotty little things you say about people (or do to people) all day long without really meaning it; do you really want to be remembered as the roommate who, in a moment of anger, slapped a girl (a la Stephen from the Seattle season)?

  • Editing. Think about it: to capture the so-called "reality," that makes The Real World MTV's highest-rated show, the network brings in a virtual army of editing masters. The images they select are the ones that are the most dramatic: fights, sex, violence, and general craziness. In order to get the dramatic narration that any TV show requires, the editors will change the perceived order of events, leave out important information, and try to make you look as much like a cartoon character as possible. Whether you like it or not, events will be distorted, and not to your liking.

  • You can't leave. Well, that's not necessarily true. But the people who leave (by choice or by force) get marked in the public as weirdos (think Puck, Irene, and Justin). So imagine the difficulty of living in a house with six other people who you don't like-in the real world, you can find another apartment and forget about it, but in The Real World, you pretty much have to tough it out.

  • Constant talking.Real Worlders are told to communicate everything. Each Monday, they must individually hole up in a "confessional" room to disclose their grievances as sort of an on-camera diary. Plus, they're also encouraged to talk about anything and everything with their fellow cast members. So get ready for lots of talking, even when you don't want to.

  • Legal constraints. You have to sign a huge legal packet before they officially invite you to be one of the Fantastic Seven. Basically, it prevents you from cashing in on your fame by saying nasty things about The Real World. It gets a little more complicated than that, but you should at least be aware that you should read anything before signing it.

  • What next? Several participants feel a huge letdown once the show is over, and have a difficult time making the transition back into their normal lives. It's tough to be a student when people on the street walk up to you and tell you why you're a jerk. "I think in a few years there will be Reality TV Anonymous self-help groups," New Orleans' cast member Melissa Howard told a reporter shortly after the show wrapped. "Hi my name is Melissa and I'm a victim of The Real World."

2. KNOW WHAT THEY'RE LOOKING FOR

Okay, the first thing you need to know about The Real World is that you've got to be between the ages of 18 and 24 (sorry Grandpa, try Survivor). Other than that, MTV executives insist there is no "standard" for picking and choosing the cast. They claim there are many factors that go in to each casting decision, and that they "always look for the most dynamic, outgoing personalities regardless of their race or appearance."

Still, there's no denying that most of those kids are unusually attractive, and that the show has a certain, ummm, mold by which the roomies always seem to fit. We're not saying that they typecast their characters (you be the judge of that), but for the most part, MTV casting agents seem to have developed a tried-and-true formula for creating chemistry (good and bad). You'll notice that many of the selected cast have such strong personality types, that they seem to be living cartoon characters.

Yes, there are exceptions. Anyone who saw The Real World: San Francisco can vouch that bicycle-peddling Puck would have fit better in a psych ward than an IKEA-branded loft. Also, it's important to recognize that the archetypes we're about to mention don't show up every season, and that cast members often embody characteristics of more than one of these types. Nevertheless, we couldn't resist having a little fun with these:

The "Virginal" Roommate

Character M.O.: Wide-eyed and pure, this character is nauseatingly nice and proudly nave. Often possessing strong Christian values, he/she has a tendency to get emotional and/or preachy.

Examples:

  • Julie (New Orleans), a devout Mormon who says no to sex, drugs and caffeine.
  • Julie (New York)
  • Elka (Boston)
  • Jon (Los Angeles)

Getting-the-part tip: Wait until marriage.

The "All-American Male" Roommate

Character M.O.: With freshly-pressed khakis and a toothy white grin, this character looks like he stepped straight out of a J. Crew catalog. Usually quite boring and often named "Mike," he becomes less generic when he drinks.

Examples:

  • Mike (London)
  • Mike (Miami)
  • Colin (Hawaii)
  • Sean (Boston)
  • Jamie (New Orleans)

Getting-the-part-tip: Wear your favorite fraternity shirt when making your audition tape.

The "Gay" Roommate

Character M.O.: Ummm, must we be clearer?

Examples:

  • Danny (New Orleans)
  • Ruthie and Justin (Hawaii)
  • Dan (Miami)
  • Genesis (Boston)
  • Pedro (San Francisco)
  • Stephen (Seattle) (at least according to Irene, anyway)

Getting-the-part tip: If you're gay-flaunt it. MTV casting agents love dipping into controversy, so don't be afraid to jump out of the closet, both hands in the air.

The "Instigator" Roommate

Character M.O.: This character derives pleasure from others people's pain. Two-faced and bored, he/she pits the roommates against each other by spreading vicious rumors. A favorite tactic? Entrusting the most insecure member of the cast.

Examples:

  • Justin (Hawaii)
  • Montana (Boston)
  • Beth (Los Angeles)
  • Puck (San Francisco) (If he fits anywhere, it would be here.)

Getting-the-part tip: Claim to be a sucker for controversy.

The "Pretentious Poet" Roommate

Character M.O.: A practitioner of experimental music and/or spoken word, this character carries around a well-worn journal and spends a lot of time alone to "think."

Examples:

  • Kaia (Hawaii)
  • Jason (Boston)
  • Kevin (New York)
  • Mohammed (San Francisco)

Getting-the-part tip: Adopt a faraway look while making your audition tape, and speak in a stream-of-consciousness beatnik style.

The "Ethnic" Roommate

Character M.O.: Though there's almost always more than one non-white character per season, this one is intent on making his/her heritage a constant issue. Heated fights about racism ensue.

Examples:

  • Melissa (New Orleans)
  • Kameelah (Boston)
  • Kevin (New York)
  • David (Los Angeles)

Getting-the-part tip: Refer constantly to your "roots," and, if possible, wear ethnic garb.

The "Drama Queen" Roommate

Character M.O.: This is the girl everyone loves to hate. Demanding, attention-starved and deliciously bitchy, she makes a paper cut seem like a life-threatening disease.

Examples:

  • Amaya (Hawaii)
  • Flora (Miami)
  • Irene (Seattle)

Getting-the-part tip: Whine, cry and stomp profusely.

The "Playah" Roommate

Character M.O.: This character often goes clubbing without his roommates for fear that they'll cramp his style. The result? Hoochies parade in and out of his bedroom at all hours of the night. The virginal roommate is disgusted.

Examples:

  • Syrus (Boston)
  • Teck (Hawaii)
  • David (New Orleans)

  • Eric (New York)

Getting-the-part tip: Bring your little black book.

3. APPLY PROPERLY

Executive producer John Murray (a former news documentary reporter who developed the show with soap opera producer Mary-Ellis Bunim, may she rest in peace) calls the show "a crazy chemistry experiment that can explode in your face, or make great TV." We say that The Real World involves both.

The casting call
The mail-in application

Option No. 1: The Casting (cattle) Call

In New York it was at the Palladium. In Omaha it was at the local college. In San Jose it was at Six Flags. MTV holds casting calls across the country in its quest for seven perfect strangers. To find out when MTV will be in your area, you can either watch TV (do they ever stop showing those Real World marathons?), or go to MTV's casting site.

What you can expect when you get to the casting call:

  1. Get there as early as possible. After waiting a good 2-plus hours (depending on your location), you will be given an application that will ask some standard and not-so-standard questions, such as your name, age, and "fantasy date." Other questions include: "Have you ever been arrested?" "Have you ever hit anyone?" "Describe your first love," and "How important is sex in your relationship?" It will also ask you to rate your participation in activities such as cooking, cleaning, shopping, sleeping, reading, drinking (alcohol), laughing and partying.

  2. You'll be given a number, then told to wait some more in another line until your number is called.

  3. You'll be called into a room (or hallway) where two or more people (MTV reps) will be sitting behind a table. There may or may not be a video camera rolling. The interviewers will ask you a few questions (not unlike those on the application), and you'll be forced to try and be witty and "real" while spitting out your most embarrassing moment or describing your last date.

  4. Two-to-four minutes later, you'll hear something like, "Thank you very much." It could be less than that. If the interviewers then say "goodbye," take the hint and go home. However, if the interviewers then say "we'd like you to come back for another interview later today/tomorrow," then celebrate--you've made it to the next round. If the interviewers say "please remove your clothing," then paydirt! You'll make millions on your sexual harassment suit.

  5. Wait until they call you back.

Option No. 2: Mail in a tape

If you don't live near a major theme park, shopping mall, college or internationally renown nightclub, never fear. Besides, who has time to wait in line at the Outlet Center when you can just send in a tape?

With a mail-in application, all you've got to do is send a 10-minute tape showing why you'd be a good candidate for The Real World. This mail-in application process is a lot tougher than it seems, so here are our tips for making a tape that will display your best qualities:

  • The biggest mistake people make is to just sit down without any forethought and just record a stream of consciousness babblethon. This usually spells certain doom. So think about what you want to talk about, practice it, and run it by some friends.

  • Be as creative as possible. MTV pleebs have to watch thousands of these things, so at least keep them awake. Creativity doesn't necessarily mean that you have construct elaborate sets; just that you talk about things that are different and interesting. Tell them a story. Talk about your school, your goals, your boyfriend, your girlfriend (or, better yet, your boyfriend and your girlfriend). Tell them about how you helped save the rainforests during your summer vacation, how you handed out food to the homeless last year, how you were homeless last year. Shock them if you can. Charm them. Disgust them. Whatever you do, casting directors say, "Be real." (duh)

  • Be as entertaining and outgoing as possible. Remember, you are going to be on TV and will be giving tons of confessionals to a videocamera, so they want to make sure you're up to it. So speak clearly and eloquently, try not to stumble or pause too much, smile, and come across as a natural. It's no accident that so many Real Worlders turn to entertainment; the people who get chosen tend to be naturals in front of the camera to begin with.

  • While we hate to say it, you should do whatever it takes to make yourself look as attractive as possible without looking like you tried to make yourself look as attractive as possible. TV is TV.

Here are some technical guidelines to making your video (as provided by the Real World taping tips page):

  • It cannot be longer than 10 minutes, and it can be on any kind of standard videocamera tape.

  • Do not use the auto-focus feature on your videocamera.

  • Make sure the sound and light come through. This means that you have a lamp (or the sun) shining on your face and not behind you, that there isn't noise (TV, music, screaming sister) in the background, and that your beautiful self can be seen clearly and heard clearly.

  • Make sure that your recording isn't time-stamped.

  • Aim properly. This means that your full head and shoulders should be in view. So don't sit to far, too close, and don't cut the top of your head off.

  • All this stuff sounds obvious, but it's critical that you accomplish these technical tasks or your tape will go straight into the garbage can.

Make sure you include following information on the tape label:

  • Name
  • Age
  • Phone number
  • Address
  • E-mail address (if available)

Tapes can be sent in any consumer format including VHS, HI-8, 8 (small tapes), VHS-C, and mini DV, and should be sent to:

The Real World Casting
Bunim/Murray Productions
6007 Sepulveda Blvd.
Van Nuys, CA 91411

Any other questions you have might be found on the Real World casting FAQ homepage. Whether you did it by cattle call or by mail, every person who applied for the show will be notified of their status, by either phone or letter, by the end of November (take a hint: phone calls are better than letters; sooner is better than later).

If you are chosen from the first application, there is still a long way to go. After the initial slew of potentials are picked, the candidates must still complete a tedious 15 page long application which will ask even more personal questions than the ones asked at the casting call.

After that, more interviews. Then a few more. They keep on going until only seven stand.

For a good in-depth view of the process, see if you can catch one of the Casting Specials on MTV. Those'll give you a good idea of what to expect in the later stages.

4. KNOW WHAT TO DO IF YOU GET REJECTED

Chin up. Just because you weren't chosen, doesn't mean you should give up. There's always next year. As of now, the 10-season-strong phenomenon shows no signs of slowing. In fact, MTV is always taking suggestions on where to set up camp next.

But if you feel incredibly desperate to appear on an MTV show, there are tons of opportunities. Here are some recent examples:

  • Mall Confessions: Confess your deepest, darkest secrets on national television.

  • Hot Zone: Sit in the studio audience of this video show.

  • Sisqo's Shakedown: Boogie with the Dragon.

  • Wanna Be a VJ?: Erase the nightmare that was Jesse Camp.

  • Say What? Karaoke: Sing it loud, sing it strong...

  • The Blame Game: A game show that allows you to embarrass your ex to the best of your ability.

  • Road Rules: When you apply to The Real World, you're almost automatically entered into the Road Rules contestant pool too.

To find out about these opportunities (and others) MTV keeps a continuously updated tally of casting calls, so check that page every week to see what new projects are popping up.

If you're just looking for money, there are always the standard game shows:

If all else fails, suck it up and go get a Web cam. You can always be famous somewhere.