There are many reasons for wanting a roommate:
- Your parents booted you out of the house and you need someone to make sure you don't starve to death.
- You want to enrich yourself with the experience of living with someone else, thus exploring your own sense of self (a la The Real World).
- You're a cheap bastard.
- You need someone new to pick fights with (a la The Real World).
- You need someone to kiss you goodnight.
Whatever your reason, you're about to experience true camaraderie not! Ha! Wake up and smell the stinky socks. What you'll most likely encounter is an empty fridge and a sink full of dirty dishes. But it doesn't necessarily have to be that way, amigo. This SYW will help you recruit a roommate that will perfectly match your lifestyle.
1. KNOW WHAT YOU'RE GETTING YOURSELF INTO
Picture it: it's 9:00 on a Friday night, and you're ready to settle in for bed. (Oh, we forgot to mention that in this scenario, you're a loser.) At 9:30, as you've just fallen into R.E.M., you're awakened by a low-frequency rumbling and the raucous chants of "Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!" As a beer bottle sails over your head into your DVD player, you grab your roommate and demand to know what's going on, and he tells you, "I invited some friends over for a party tonight. You don't mind, do you?" You want to avoid such a situation.
If you're reading this, you've probably already decided that you want a roommate, but we want to be absolutely clear that you know exactly what you're getting yourself into.
Advantages
- You'll probably save money - rent for a double room divided by two is usually significantly cheaper than a single room.
- A roommate can give you a new outlet to meet people, either for social purposes or business contacts. Also, if you happen to be an aspiring actor and your roommate is an aspiring chef, you each have line-readers and taste-testers.
- You and your roomie can share cleaning/cooking duties, wardrobes, CDs, movies, secrets, and lots of other things. How sweet.
- Many people feel safer knowing that there's always someone else around. After all, it's tougher for a burglar to fight off two (or more) people.
- More space. Apartments with two bedrooms also tend to have separate living rooms and kitchens. The same cannot be said about studios.
Disadvantages
- Obviously, the main disadvantage of having a roommate is that your days of complete privacy are over. No more eating naked. No more watching TV naked. No more showering naked.
- If you decide to room with one of your friends, you risk getting into roommate problems and losing your friend in the process, because being friends with someone and living with them are very different things. The adage "never room with your best friend" is pretty much true.
- You run a financial risk if your roommate screws up and escapes without paying his/her part of the rent.
- Unless you have substantial grounds (e.g. murder, arson, addiction to Star Trek), it can be difficult to kick your roommate out, especially if he/she is paying rent. This leads to some messy situations that may require a large, blunt object.
Still want a roommate? The absolute best way to realize this goal is to carefully pick with whom you will live. To start off, here are three basic questions that you must answer:
- Do I want a same or opposite sex roommate? For all the reasons that you've learned from Three's Company, a boy-girl living arrangement can pose some complications. We're not going to get into a diatribe about the difference between boys and girls. Just take our advice that unless you have a specific opposite-sex roommate already in mind and have worked out any potential conflicts, rooming with someone of the same sex usually prevents a lot of hassle.
- Will I be sharing a bedroom with my roommate or just common areas? Most likely, you'll each have your own bedroom, and this is by far the best option. Even though you'll still share the apartment, you'll always have a place to go for some privacy. That said, do everything in your power to secure your own bedroom - you'll thank us later. (We're serious about this - notice the bold print and italics. Oooo, italics pretty.)
- Am I looking for a new friend or just a rent check? Whichever you pick, the key is that you and your roommate want the same thing. If you'd rather not be seen in public with your roommate but he/she wants to be your best friend and always tag along with you, awkwardness will ensue very quickly.
2. RECRUIT CANDIDATES THE OLD-FASHIONED WAY
Gathering recruits to share your room shouldn't be too difficult. The problem usually comes when you're looking for someone who's compatible with your lifestyle and won't chainsaw your face off. But first thing's first: find some candidates.
Friends, relatives, and co-workers
Newspaper and bulletin board ads
Friends, relatives, and co-workers
The simplest way of finding a "safe" roommate is just to live with a friend, relative, or co-worker. Naturally, this is rather dependent on timing -- if no one is looking to move, you're out of luck. That's when it's time to network. Maybe your friend doesn't want to move, but he knows someone who's looking (that he can vouch for). Hey, it's better than a total stranger.
Newspaper and bulletin board ads
A tried and true method of finding a roommate is to peruse your local paper along with bulletin boards in your area. You can be passive and look for people who need a roommate and contact them, or actively place an ad looking for a roommate. If you decide upon the former, read the ads carefully and don't be taken for a sucker. It's easy to write "single, clean, quiet, and expert sock-knitter," but you soon find that those are code words for "psychotic goat killer." So your game plan should be to milk as much information out of the ad as possible and then call (or email) the person. Any time that it doesn't feel "right," abandon ship immediately and keep searching.
Generally, the best tactic is to take the active path and put an ad out saying that you're looking for a roommate. Here are some things to remember, you go-getter:
- Newspaper ads generally run about $10 to $50 per week, but the range is wide. If you do place one, make sure it's precise, and put it in a paper that has a large subscription base (e.g., don't bother with The Daily Shoe Cobbler).
- Be honest. Don't write "quiet and neat" if you're not. It'll just cause problems later.
- If you make fliers, make them eye-catching, clear, informative, and make those cool little "tear-off" slips at the bottom so people can contact you. Also, put it in an appropriate place. If you're pretty wholesome, it's probably best skip the local strip joint and stick to grocery stores, malls, township buildings, etc.
- College students - use those bulletin boards and kiosks on campus.
- Information you should include in any advertisement: First name, phone number, email, location of domicile (you don't have to give the exact address), monthly rent, utilities, other costs, age, pets, smoking status, if you have any children, and gender.
3. FIND A ROOMMATE USING INTERNET SERVICES
Online roommate services are a booming industry. Some websites just have you post your email address, and on others you can offer your phone number and/or address. For safety reasons, it may be best to just give your email and/or phone number, because giving out your address on the web could lead to some unpleasant interactions with scary people.
Some of the websites are free, meaning you can contact potential roommates at your own liberty (you also don't pay for people to contact you). However, many cost money, which means that you can't view the full profiles or get the contact information unless you're a registered member.
Pay sites
Free sites
Pay sites
- www.roommateexpress.com: This site is a powerhouse of roommate finders, and offers Internet and/or phone service. Along with very reasonable rates (about $20 flat fee), it offers credit reports, a reference checker, continuous emails when a match is found, and a detailed questionnaire that claims to find psychological matches. Also, they post your listing not only on multiple Internet search engines, but also in newspapers and yellow pages, and can even match people to go out and find a room together.
- www.roommatenation.com: All the features and none of the cost. This site is currently 100% free to use. It lets you complete a profile describing your personal and property preferences, search its database of users who are looking for a roommate, and message them. Its very easy to use and provides an opportunity to get to know someone even before you speak on the phone. This is helpful whether you are looking for a room or have a place you want to share.
- www.RoomMates.com: This site requires you to register (although not pay) before you can do anything. Once you set up your username and password and fill out a room questionnaire, you can post listings for free. If you get a match and you'd like to contact him/her, you'll have to register and pay. The fees work on a monthly basis with the following prices:
- www.goodroommate.com: If you're not a cyber-freak, this site may suit you because they're dedicated to personal customer service and you'll be able to talk to a "real human" about your roommate search. The site costs about $30, and their claim is that by personally communicating with you they can find the most ideal roommate suited to your temperament.
Before you type your credit card number into any of these sites, check them out, take a tour, and see what suits you best. Also realize that there are many sites that provide roommate services for specific cities (such as New York City's www.roommatefinder.com); to see what is available in your area, check out our city-specific SYWs about finding an apartment in NYC, Los Angeles, Boston, Chicago, and Philadelphia.
Free sites
All of the free sites basically operate in the same way: you can post your listing or browse listings for roommates, and the only contact information given out is an email address (no phone number, nor street address). When you see a listing you like, it's up to you to email the person as soon as possible. Then you're on your own.
Also, since these sites are free, it's probably not a bad idea to search around all of them and post your profile on multiple sites. And think how popular you'll feel when you get lots of emails from all those poor suckers wanting to live with you. Check out:
Again, there are many free websites that are city-specific. The best way to find these is to go to any major search engine and type in "roommate AND (your desired city)."
One important note: there are a lot of kooks out there on the Internet, souse your best judgment. If you get an email from "[email protected]," it's probably wise to stay away from him/her. Other than that, go for it! Just remember that you must act quickly waiting even one day to email or call someone could cost you a great match.
4. SET UP AN INTERVIEW
Once you have a few viable options, you're ready for a crucial part in the process of selecting a roommate: the interview. This will be your chance to find people who you just know will match you perfectly, and to screen out candidates such as Crazy Flo (who has an odd odor of lighter fluid about her).
The interview is a pretty simple endeavor: you get together with candidate and discuss what each one of you wants in a roommate. But the most important thing is for you to be honest and for you to get honest vibes from the candidate.
Here's how to set up and conduct the interview:
- If after emailing and talking on the phone you feel that the person is reasonably safe, tell him/her that you'd like to get to get together for a meeting without insinuating that you've definitely decided to room with him/her.
- If you're fairly certain that this person won't drive a hammer through your skull, you might suggest an interview in the actual apartment so the person (or you) can see what it looks like and where it is. However, in our ultra-paranoid world, it's more customary to meet someone for the first time in a public place such as a restaurant or a coffee shop.
- When the actual meeting comes, bring along your credit report and references and ask the potential roommate to do the same.
- Remember that it isn't an FBI interrogation. The interview should be a friendly conversation that allows you two to get to know each other and find out if you're compatible to live together. So leave the heat lamps and handcuffs behind.
- During the meeting, you'll have to be very perceptive. Not only listen carefully, but also try to gauge his/her honesty as well as your comfort level talking to him/her. Remember that most people won't sit down and say, "my last roommate kicked me out because I keep live rats in the microwave, so consider that when making your selection." Would you?
5. ASK GOOD QUESTIONS
You'll want to ask the candidate a ton of questions, and he/she will probably want to ask you questions too. So what you gotta do is set down a list of questions that you'll discuss during the meeting. Below is a general (yet fairly comprehensive) list. If you've seen any of the apartment-finding SYWs, some of this may look a little familiar.
- Have you ever had a roommate before? What, if anything, bothered you about your past roommates?
- Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend or other friend who will be staying here frequently? Are you promiscuous? (Do not be afraid to ask this one. If you don't want strange people sleeping over a lot, and explain that this is the reason you're asking, it will establish what you consider unacceptable ahead of time.)
- What is your occupation? What are your work hours?
- What time do you generally go to sleep and wake up on weekdays and weekends?
- Did/do you have any credit problems? Are you willing to co-sign the lease and any other shared fee contracts? If the person you're talking to refuses to sign these documents, ask why. This is VERY important: trying to hide past credit problems, or reluctance to co-sign the lease, could be a strong indicator of a deadbeat. (Remember, one of the only reasons your roommate has to not co-sign the lease is because he/she wants to get out of paying.)
- Discuss whether you will be paying equal rents for equal rooms or if one of you will have a significantly better room (and therefore pay more).
- Do you consider yourself messy or neat? Are you willing to help clean common areas, e.g. wash dishes, mop floor, clean fridge, bathroom, etc.? (If you're freakishly neat and you pick a messy roommate, you'll either end up cleaning twice as much or breaking kneecaps.)
- Are you a heavy or light sleeper? If we wake up at different times, will you be able to sleep through an alarm clock? (If you're sharing a bedroom, this is ESPECIALLY important, as well as, "Can you sleep with the light on?")
- Do you smoke? Drink? Do drugs? If yes to any, how often?
- Do you have any pets? (Remember to find out if pets are allowed in your building.)
- Do you have any major medical conditions?
- What do you like to watch on television? What music do you listen to? Do you listen to music loudly or softly?
- Do you play any musical instruments? When do you usually practice?
- Will you check my closet every night for the boogeyman?
- How often do you have guests over? Are they liable to destroy our domicile?
- Will you want to share costs for food? Are you the type that likes to share clothes, CDs, computer, etc.?
We know this is a pretty long list and will probably span more than a few cups of coffee, but remember that the slightest annoyance may fester into a murderous rage when forced to deal with it every day. Clearing these things up in advance is the best way to have a good roommate relationship. Also be prepared to answer these questions; your potential roommate may have read this SYW too!
After the interview, assess how you feel about this person. If you think you'd rather live with a rabid ewok, politely tell the candidate that you don't think it will work out, and thank them for their time. (Remember to wait until they are out of sight before laughing hysterically.)
If you've found your perfect roommate, then proceed along to the next step. And don't forget to take down any fliers you've hung up, as well as your name/room off of any websites you've used.
6. FINALIZE YOUR LIVING ARRANGEMENTS
Once you've found the Monica to your Rachel or the Joey to your Chandler, it won't be long before Hollywood writes a sitcom based on your crazy duo.
But before you can start your crazy antics, it's imperative that you finalize your deal properly so that no one gets screwed over. Yea, yea, how can you squelch something that doesn't exist? Don't try to get smart with us, Socrates. It's better to figure out the details before anyone moves in their crap than afterwards. So here's our list of things that should be cleared up BEFORE you or your future roommate commence living together:
- Co-sign the lease. You'll notice that we're big on this "co-signing" thing; the reason is that if your signature is the only one on the lease, you and only you are ultimately responsible for ALL costs of the apartment. So if your roommate doesn't pay the rent, it's up to you to cover it or you'll both be evicted and you could be sued by your landlord. Not a pleasant situation. While co-signing the lease doesn't guarantee you immunity from your roommate's financial stupidity, it pretty much insures that if your roommate does anything illegal, then he/she will get sued and not you. Also make a contract to split such costs as utilities, cleaning, phone and cable bills, and the security deposit.
- What stuff will each of you bring? You can save a considerable amount of money and space by combining possessions. While you may want your own stereo and TV in your bedroom, you two can probably share such things as: microwave, toaster, iron, ironing board, vacuum, dishes. Also split who brings what for the common living room.
- Can you share a computer? In this techno-age, one issue that may come up is sharing computers. If you each have your own computer, that's fine. If you just have one for the both of you, make sure this won't cause any conflicts.
- Decorating. If you each have your own bedroom, you can plaster yours with all the *NSYNC posters you want. But you and your roommate will have to compromise about common rooms. If your styles clash, try to find some neutral posters and colors. Or each of you can take half of the room and decorate however you want. This will either spur some great conversations at your next party or stop you from ever throwing one. To get more decorating tips, read "SYW decorate your apartment?"
- Phone lines and modems. If both of you are high frequency phone or Internet users, you'll probably want separate phone lines. However, if you do decide to share a phone line, consider getting a passcode (just call your phone company) for long-distance calls so you won't have to spend hours dissecting the phone bill figuring what each of you owes.
- Quiet hours and cleaning duties. Discuss when you think you want quiet time to sleep or work, and also times that guests are and aren't acceptable. Don't be unreasonable; just be clear so that neither of you get any surprises. As for the cleaning, set up a chore list and divide it up evenly. When it's your turn to clean the bathroom, living room, or kitchen, just do it. It's also good to get in the habit of cleaning up after yourself; clean your dishes after you use them, throw papers in the trash, keep your clothes confined to your own room, etc.
- Sharing. It sounds anal, but some people are touchy about people eating their food or borrowing their stuff. You can either agree to each buy your own food, or just take turns buying stuff and share everything. If you don't want your roommate to use your things when you're not around, politely but firmly tell him/her so. Remember to work out sharing issues with regard to cars and parking spaces.
Your final task is simply to be a good roommate, which is built around compromise and communication. If you think of your roommate as living in YOUR apartment, you're dead in the water. You'll never compromise, and your roommate will snuff you in your sleep. The maxim to remember is "this is OUR room, and we both have an equal right to be here." If this concept of compromise doesn't agree with you, you may be more suited for a goldfish than a roommate.
Here are a few resources to cultivate roommate survival:
