4. PREP THE PARTICIPANTS

Once all your guests have arrived and are settled (they have finished off the last of your good ice cream, have gone to the bathroom, and are starting to whine, "Now what, O Freaky One?"), seat them comfortably around the table. So here's what to do next:

  1. Select a medium. If you don't want to be the medium (that is, the person conducting the séance) have someone who has been to a séance or is particularly in tune with their sixth sense do the job.

  2. Once a medium is established, let him/her lead the group. A séance should be held in an orderly fashion, without random participants yelling out, "When will I get married?" as soon as the spirit arrives. Make sure this is clear to everyone before proceeding.

  3. Decide on whom to call over from the other side. It is a good idea to pick a spirit beforehand, so you'll at least know who you're dealing with (your lovable old Nana, as opposed to an axe murderer). It's also a good idea to choose someone who has recently passed away - spirits who have lived on the other side for more than a couple of decades tend to not want to be bothered and might get angry if they are.

  4. Charge the candles. Have the participants hold each candle in their hands and visualize its symbolic power emanating from it. For example, if you are holding a white candle, picture strands of peaceful smoke curling up from it. Each candle should be passed to and charged by each participant before being lit and returned to the center of the table.

By now, all the music should be turned off, other noisy distractions should be eliminated, and everyone should be focused on the task at hand.