4. LIE, CRY, AND BEG

Lying

If you're willing to try to get out of a ticket you probably deserve, don't get all self-righteous on us now. You may have to lie. Keep in mind, though, that if the cop sniffs out your bluff, that's not so good, for obvious reasons. Being cowardly folk, we prefer begging and crying, below. But if you feel the need to shade the truth a wee bit, here's a couple of tips.

The key to lying to a cop is keeping the lie plausible (a good way to start is by reading the article SoYouWanna lie persuasively). The most common lie is actually the least effective: "I (or my passenger) is sick." This lie will get you a costly ambulance ride to the nearest hospital with a very concerned police escort. If you're really lucky, the officer might just go into the hospital to speed up check-in and to make sure that you're okay. The best lie is that you really need to go to the bathroom…bad. For this lie to work, it needs to be the first thing out of your mouth as the officer approaches. Say something along the lines of: "Officer, I really have to go to the bathroom, could you follow me to the nearest rest area?" Chances are, the cop isn't going to want to discuss your bodily functions for long and may let you go. This lie can cover everything from speeding, to an illegal turn, to running a stop sign.

If you feel weird using your excretory functions as scapegoats, then the cop is going to ask you something like, "Do you know how fast you were going/that you just ran a red light/that U-turns are illegal here?" Don't ever say yes. Lie. Stumble something like, "How fast was I going? Did I run a stop light? Are U-turns illegal here?" When the cop replies to your claim of no knowledge, say something along the lines of "I had no idea." This response requires no admittance of guilt and it may make you seem a bit clueless, but it usually lightens the serious tone of the situation.

Crying

You probably didn't need us to tell you this, but we will tell you that it works. But we really mean CRY. Let it all out. We're talking a sobbing, hyperventilating, bawling kind of cry. When the officer asks you if you are okay, just say no. Tell him/her that you're scared. Or that you just left your boyfriend/girlfriend's house because you just broke up and that this has been the worst day of your life. Or that you just flunked your exam and you're going to lose your scholarship. Just make it believable. And keep on crying.

Begging

If the cop seems intent on writing you a ticket, sometimes (and only in dire circumstances) it's okay to tell the officer the truth. If you can't afford the fine associated with a ticket, tell him/her. They may at least charge you with a lesser offense than what they had originally planned. Tell the officer that a ticket on your record could impact your job. Or mention that you might get in huge trouble at home for a ticket. Occasionally, begging actually works. Not often (it might actually worsen your ticket if your cop is particularly sadistic), but it's has happened.