4. BECOME A GOOD WAITER

Congratulations! You now have complete control over what people put into their bloodstreams. The power!

Settle, settle. Keep in mind that the hardest part of the battle is yet to come: becoming a quality waiter. Even if you've had experience waiting tables, learning the idiosyncrasies of a new restaurant may be harder than you think. And if you have absolutely no experience as a waiter, then you need our advice before you implode.

Master your daily chores
Learn how to deal with your customers
Learn how to carry many objects

Master your daily chores

You should master your list of daily chores as soon as possible for two reasons:

  1. Your chores will be relatively easy to do - albeit gross at times.

  2. If you screw up the chores, you'll at least want to prove that you're trying and that you're a hard worker.

So go over your chores with your manager or another waiter. Create a list and pin it to your workstation or keep it in your apron. Until you have the list memorized, keep checking back with the list. It will be your godsend.

During your first month, unless you're on a break, never stand in a corner doing nothing (or chatting with a friend, co-worker, feral midget, etc.). If the restaurant is slow, then start working on your list: refilling salt shakers, wiping down tables, taking out the garbage, and whatever else needs to get done. If you're not sure exactly what to do, just ask your boss (it'll show that you're a hard worker. After your first few weeks, your boss will be watching you less closely, and you won't have to be a busy little bee ALL the time. And by then, you'll have developed a routine for your daily chores and know how to fit them into your shift.

Learn how to deal with customers

Essentially, we're telling you to exhibit (1) patience, (2) poise, and (3) the ability to control your facial expressions when your head feels like it's going to burst into flames. Smile. Breathe. Eventually, you'll develop skin as thick as the old mayonnaise in the restaurant fridge.

  • Remember not to run and complain to your boss or co-workers whenever a customer acts obnoxious. Be courteous no matter how many times a customer's kid spills the milk. Only approach your boss if a customer is harassing you or is being rude enough to warrant getting thrown out of the restaurant.

  • If a customer ever starts to pick a fight, then merely say "I think the manager would be able to help you better than I can" and go get the manager.

  • Don't act as if you're "dealing" with your customers. Not all of your customers will be hideous demons sent to destroy your day. Most of them won't care a bit about you except that you bring them their food, so if they don't like something, don't take it personally.

  • Friendly waiter get better tips, and you'll enjoy yourself more if you're being pleasant.

  • Being a good waiter also entails paying special attention to your regular customers. Learn their names and their peculiarities. If Mr. Johnson likes two creamers with his coffee, make sure you automatically bring him two creamers instead of making him ask for it every time.

Learn how to carry many objects

The most difficult task you'll have to master is carrying plates to and from the tables. Pretend you're one of those refined girls in a Jane Austen book learning how to be a refined member of the aristocracy and walk around trying to balance a heavy book on your head. Go food shopping like this. Or miniature golfing. You'll learn balance in no time.

In the meantime, don't try to carry more than you can handle. It doesn't matter if you have to make six trips from the kitchen to the table. Your customers may get annoyed, but they'll be a lot more annoyed if you spill scalding New England clam chowder into their groins. You'll eventually learn the best way to carry your restaurant's trays and plates, and you'll be whisking around the restaurant - a tray balanced on each pinkie like the rest of the pros.

For some more advice, check out these sites:

http://www.stainedapron.com
http://bitterwaitress.com/

You'll learn a million more dos and don'ts as you gain more experience. You'll discover, for example, that leftover dinner rolls turn into hard, lethal weapons when you forget to put them in the freezer at night, and you'll figure out how easily hot coffee pots can break.

But most importantly, remember that working in a restaurant, despite its sometimes grueling nature, is a social job. So chat up the customers who aren't spawns of Satan, enjoy the free food, and smile as you work your ass off.