3. LEARN THE POINT OF THE GAME
Phew! We're pooped. Over 2400 words, and we haven't even gotten to the point of the game yet. But it gets a lot sexier now. It's time to learn how chess players mate like the wild jungle animals they are.
The point of the game is simple: Move your pieces around so that no matter where Moe tries to move his king, it would get captured. It's all about trapping the king. Pretty revolutionary, huh? (Get it? King? Revolution?)
'But before you capture Moe's king, you have to at least be polite enough to give him a warning. Chess is the game of gentlemen. So there are three different situations in which a king can be threatened: check, stalemate, and checkmate (we told you we'd see some mating patterns).
Check
This is when Moe's king is being threatened. When you move one of your pieces so that it would capture the king unless Moe did something about it, then you get to say "check." Not "Czech," not "check… you bastard!" and you may not sing a little song such as "check-a-leck-a-leck-a-leck." Unless your opponent does it to you first. Then you can yell at each other all you want. Look below to get a better example.
Let's say that it's your turn to move, and you decide to move your queen from b1 to e4 (because your queen can go in a diagonal). Then the board would look like this:
See how your queen can now move right down the file and get Moe's king? If Moe doesn't do something to defend his king, he would lose the game. So that means that his king is in "check." So go ahead and say "check, Moe." What are Moe's options? He can either find a way to capture your queen (eliminating the threat at the source), or he can make a defensive move by either moving his king to a safe square, or putting another piece in front of his king (thus, making a sacrifice). So which of these choices does Moe have? Lesee… he can't capture your queen… he can't move a piece in between his king and your queen… so his only option is to move his king to a safe square. What square would that be, keeping in mind that the king is only allowed to move one square? Well, he can't move his king to e7, because the queen is still there. He can't move it to d8 or d7 because then he'd be moving his king to a place where your rook can get it on the next move (this is known as "moving your king into check," and it's against the rules). So the ONLY choice Moe has is to move his king to f7.
OK, so that was mostly example. All that you have to remember is that "check" happens when a king is under attack, and the owner of said king MUST do something to protect his majesty: either capture the attacker, block the attack with another piece, or move the king.
Checkmate
Now checkmate occurs when the king is in check, but has no way to escape it. Look at the board below, and see if you can understand why Moe's king is in checkmate:
Do you see it? No matter what Moe does, his king will always be in check. If he moves his king anywhere, it'll still be under attack by a rook or the queen, and his bishop can't capture or block anything. The game is over. You win! NOW you can sing and dance and taunt your opponent until (s)he cries violently. Getting checkmate is the ONLY way to win a game of chess.
Stalemate
Stalemates suck. Basically, they're kind of like tie games. It's when your king is in a safe square, but if you move out of it, then your king gets captured. Since you're not allowed to pass a turn in the game of chess, a stalemate is declared. Look below to understand a little more:
Let's say it's Moe's move. He has nowhere to move! If Moe moves his king to d8, d7, e7, or f8, your queen can capture his king. If Moe moves his king to f7, then your king captures his king. But Moe is safe where his is, right? So a stalemate is declared.
